Page 116 of Revealing Mark
I released another emotional breath while he watched. “But maybe you should be asking yourself why you’re unable to forgive me.” I raised my chin slightly. “I made one mistake and you shut the door so quickly I’m wondering if you were just waiting for me to mess things up.”
I had struck a nerve, I could tell by the way his jaw clenched.
It was done and I wanted to leave. Nothing I had said had reached him. I turned back to the door and somehow managed to get it open. There was no sound other than the door closing behind me as I left. My footsteps hurried to the elevator. I wanted out of the building as quickly as possible.
It hurt. I had given it my all but it hadn’t been enough. My chest shook as I sobbed. I hurried out of the building, hating the sympathetic look I received from the doorman.
I sat in my car for a while before I managed to stop crying. Taking a few deep breaths, I got my emotions under control enough to contemplate heading home. I could do this.
I drove back to my apartment, feeling a little more confident in the dark than I had before, even though I was still upset andtrying to come to terms with the outcome of my confrontation with Mark.
When I got home, I was agitated and restless. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had said to Mark. It was going around and around in my mind. I ran a bath and got in, feeling numb. The warmth of the water didn’t ease my broken heart so eventually I got out and wrapped a towel around me. Feeling lost and alone, I went into the living room and sighed.
I didn’t know how I was going to pick up the pieces and carry on. It felt insurmountable but I had no choice.
For a while I just sat on the sofa, eating ice cream while still only wrapped up in my towel, going through my last confrontation with Mark, trying to pinpoint if I had missed saying something that would have changed the outcome. But no matter how many times I went through each word and sentence, I couldn’t think of anything that would have made a difference.
There was a sound by my door so I got up to check. I opened the door and peered into the passage but I couldn’t see anything. I stepped out and took a few footsteps but I couldn’t see anyone. I waited for a few moments before I turned to go back inside, when I heard the mechanical lock turn.
“No,” I whispered when I reached to open my door but it had automatically closed behind me. I looked down to realize I was still only wearing a towel and nothing else. This couldn’t be happening. I had no way of getting back inside. My day had just gone from bad to worse. Could something, just one thing, go my way?
I didn’t really know my neighbors well and knocking on any of the doors dressed the way I was held no appeal, but I couldn’t just do nothing. Wasn’t it bad enough my heart had just been shattered into a million pieces, now I needed this embarrassment on top of it all?
“Damn it,” I swore, trying the door again but knowing I was wasting my time.
I wanted to cry I felt so defeated. I rested my head against the door and closed my eyes, fighting my tears of frustration.
“You need some help?” The voice took me by surprise. My head shot up and I saw Mark standing a few feet away.
I should have asked him what he was doing there, but I didn’t care. “Yeah,” I murmured, feeling like I was seeing an apparition and not the real-life version.
This time I was glad to see him even though I felt apprehensive about his reasons for being here.
He reached into his pocket and then moved past me to unlock my door with an app on his phone.
“Thanks,” I said, still dazed at his presence as I opened the door.
I held the towel tighter as the door closed behind us. I wished I had gotten dressed, I felt disadvantaged facing him while wearing practically nothing.
“Why are you here?” I whispered, still feeling so raw from the last time we had spoken only hours before and too scared of hoping what it meant.
“You were right.” He sighed. Gone was the control he had held before. I saw the indecision and nervousness in him as he shifted slightly.
“About what?” I eyed him suspiciously.
“I didn’t give you a chance to explain, I just shut you down.” He shrugged. “I was just so angry.” He pressed his lips together. “People have disappointed me my whole life, and I expected you to do the same. That’s why it was so easy for me to try to write you off the second you let me down, but I let you down by not giving you a chance.”
Maybe some people weren’t meant to be together.
“That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here?” I asked softly, still not allowing myself to hope.
“I thought that was pretty obvious.” He stepped closer, thenhalted, looking at me with those irresistible eyes. My heart thudded in my chest.
I shook my head. “Not obvious enough.” He hadn’t made it easy for me, so I didn’t see why I had to for him.
“I’m here to say I’m sorry. I should have handled things differently.” He echoed the words I had spoken to him.
“So, we’re both sorry,” I mumbled, hating the unsurety of the whole situation. I shrugged. I had bared my soul to him twice and both times he had shut me out.
