Page 102 of Revealing Mark
His smile fell and I reached to touch his arm.
“This is so thoughtful.”
He shrugged. “It’s what we do in my family. When we care, we buy things.”
Then I realized what this was and it made me feel worse for my reaction. He had probably grown up in an environment when material things had meant more than affection.
“You bought this for me because you care,” I murmured.
He nodded solemnly.
It made my heart ache. I felt bad for not being someone who could accept it without question. I put my arms around him and hugged him.
His arms moved to embrace me back as he kissed my forehead.
“I don’t want stuff, all I need is you.” I pulled back to look at him when I said the next part. “Do you understand that?”
He nodded.
“This isn’t easy. I’ve never been good with letting people in, but I let you in,” I whispered, shifting from one foot to the other nervously while I stared up at him. “I don’t want you to buy me anything, all I want you to do is let me in.” I sighed. “And you are. I know it was difficult for you to open up to me about your grandfather. And I know it was a big deal taking me to the funeral.”
My eyes drifted back up to his. “Those are the things that matter to me.”
He didn’t answer.
“But you know that already.” My mind was ticking over, thensomething dawned on me. “This was your way of distracting me, wasn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered.
“You’re reverting back to the way you understand, where you’re in control and there is no risk. If you keep me at an emotional distance, you won’t have to share any more and then whatever it is you’re scared I will discover won’t come out. Is that it?”
When he didn’t immediately deny it, I knew I had hit the truth.
“It won’t work. Secrets always have a way of coming out, so you’re only delaying the inevitable,” I argued. “Look what happened with my real father. My parents tried too hard to keep it from me but it came out anyway. It might not have been as difficult to handle if my parents had just been honest from the start.”
He looked at me thoughtfully but I couldn’t tell if my words had swayed him in any way.
“You’re always asking me to trust you but why can’t you trust me on this?” he asked, annoyed. “It’s better to leave it alone.”
I shook my head. “Loving someone is knowing the worst thing about them and still loving them anyway.”
He rubbed his chin. “That isn’t reality. In the real world, people are torn apart when the facade crumbles away and they realize the people they fell in love with aren’t the same one they are left with.”
His words were too in-depth for it not to be based on something he had witnessed in real life. Was that maybe what had happened to his parents? They didn’t seem like the happily married kind. I couldn't imagine anyone being happy with that bitch of a mother. Just thinking about her darkened my mood.
Had our different upbringings shaped our expectations? My mother’s affair, which was something most people couldn’tovercome, had been something my parents had been able to work through and they had become stronger.
Would our views be our undoing?
“I don’t want you to live with the fear thatsomethingis going to tear us apart,” I explained, trying to reach him.
Silence ensued. This was new for us, but I was convinced that being as honest and upfront as we could be would be enough for our delicate relationship to go the distance.
“I know you, who you are. I might not know what your favorite movie is or even your favorite song, but I know you wouldn’t do something without the right intention. You don’t have a bad bone in your body.” He was a bodyguard, a person who protected another.
“You think you know me, but you don’t.”
We were at an impasse, but I couldn’t make him do something he didn’t want to.
