Page 79 of Revealing Mark
“You gonna let me in?” he asked when I didn’t move.
I nodded, letting him pass me before I closed the door. I stood watching him anxiously, not wanting to confront him about the trust issue but knowing I had to.
There was so much at risk. We had just started, and I felt there was a big risk we wouldn’t get past the first hurdle.
“What’s wrong?” Mark’s eyes narrowed, taking in my closed-off body language.
“We need to talk,” I said. My heart was still trying to slow down because the sight of him did weird things to my body. I was trying to think of what I had planned to say but, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember a word.
I walked over to the sofa and sat down. Mark didn’t, remaining standing beside the chair, and it made me feel like he somehow had the upper hand. There was no way to tell what he was thinking, his face void of any emotion.
“We agreed that when we started this, we had to have…trust.”
His mouth tightened and my stomach dropped. It did nothing to make me feel this was something we could overcome. Saying it was one thing but actually following through was something else entirely.
Silence ensued, making me feel more uncomfortable.
“I don’t want to push you.” I nervously licked my lips, trying to hang on to the courage to stand firm and not let it go.
“But you’re going to anyway,” he retorted. The tension was clear in his tight jaw.
I stood up, needing to feel more in control, and I found myself standing in front of him. But his air of aloofness kept me from moving any closer.
“I need to be sure this has a chance before we tell Matthew.” It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, the unsurety of how he would take it making me more anxious.
“I need to prove I can trust you before you’re ready to tell your brother,” he deduced.
I nodded. It made sense to me in my head, but not when he said it out loud.
He turned away from me and his stance was tense. Thiswasn’t going well and I had a sense that it was going to end very differently than how I had hoped. I watched as he faced me again and I could see from his expression he was angry.
“So, what do you need, Tracy? A few details about my past, will that suffice? Or do you need to know everything before you’re willing to take a chance?” His eyes flared and I knew I had made a mistake. “And if I’m too fucked up, then what?”
I frowned, moving closer. “This isn’t about that. Who you are today is shaped by your past. It won’t change how I feel about you but it might help me understand you better.”
I wanted to reach the part of him that was willing to take the risk so we could make this thing between us stronger to survive whatever was to come.
“We are dynamite together,” he murmured. “Shouldn’t that be enough to start with?”
It wasn’t like I wanted declarations of undying love but I had to know that this went beyond just a physical attraction. This wasn’t equal. He knew how I felt about him and I had no real idea how he felt about me. Chemistry wasn’t the same as emotion.
“We’re about to tell Matthew about us and we have no idea how that is going to go down. I don’t want to risk rocking the boat if this is just a passing attraction for you. I need you to show me that you can open up. I don’t need to know everything, just one thing. Show me that you are ready to do this with me and let me in.”
His mouth remained closed and I felt like the situation was spiraling out of my control.
“I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready to do and, if that’s the case, maybe we should put a hold on this until you’re ready.” I felt resigned to do the right thing though my heart called for me to hold on to him and never let him go.
He closed his eyes briefly and let out a long breath. Then he opened them. “Ask.”
I frowned. “Ask what?”
“Ask me something.”
Was this his way of letting me in?
“The other night when you drank so much… Why? What happened?”
Maybe I should have started with something else but the question was out and I waited for him to answer.
