Page 71 of Revealing Mark
A couple of times I had opened the door to my apartment and I had expected to see him waiting, but it had always been empty. For a fraction of a moment I had experienced disappointment before relief.
You don’t care,I kept telling myself, even though I knew it wasn’t true. I didn’t want to care but that wasn’t the same.
I had avoided Sunday lunches by my parents and Mark as well.
My inheritance had been an astronomical amount of money and I no longer had to worry about paying my bills month to month. I was even considering buying a home so I could have more space. I could even have my own studio.
But no amount of money would be able to make up for the emptiness I felt inside, like I was missing something important, like the father I had never met. It was hard to pull myself out of my pity party and try to do mundane day-to-day things.
As much as Matthew and Sophie tried, they didn’t know what I was going through, which made me feel closer to the half-siblings I barely knew. When I felt sad, I called Sebastian. He understood on a level no one else did. Maybe it was because he was also mourning the same father.
No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t connect to the man whose pictures I had pored over while trying to see something more than what was laid out in a Polaroid. Other than the kind eyes, I couldn’t decipher much else from his pictures, and even though I had listened to countless stories of him, I was still struggling to find something we had in common.
He had been organized, unlike me. I had yet to hear of any character trait we might share.I spent a lot of time at Maggie’slistening to stories about my father, trying to get to know him through the eyes of the people closest to him.
I was due to have dinner with her tonight. Usually Cole and Sebastian worked late during the week, so I rarely saw them outside of weekends, but I knew if I needed either of them all I had to do was call and they would be there.
At some stage I wanted Matthew and Sophie to meet them but I wanted to give everyone time to adjust to the idea first. I think, out of everyone, Matthew was struggling the most. Other than confronting my parents about it, he hadn’t spoken to them. Sophie had made peace with it. I felt bad Matthew had shut out my parents but how could I expect him to forgive them if I couldn’t do that myself?
As usual, I was running late. I hurried to my apartment, just needing to drop off some of my equipment before I dashed off to Maggie’s, but I stopped.
There was Mark waiting outside my apartment. He was watching me, and I made myself walk to the door like he wasn’t there.
“Tracy,” he said, but I ignored him and searched through my purse for my keys. I needed to find a better way of organizing my purse so I could find my keys quicker.
“I’m surprised you didn’t break in,” I muttered, irritated with myself and him. If I could just find those stupid keys…
“I’m respecting your boundaries.”
That winded me and I made the mistake of lifting my eyes to his. The effect was instant and my stomach did that weird thing that only he made me feel.
“Really?” I asked.
He nodded.
“What changed?” I studied him. “You didn’t care before, why now?”
For goodness sake, he had kept tabs on my bank accounts. Who did that?
“I realized I may have gone a step too far.” He swallowed, and I felt sympathy for him.
“Can we talk inside?” he asked.
I shook my head. “We have nothing to say to each other.”
“I know you don’t want to speak to me but all I need you to do is listen.” The old Tracy would have crumbled and let him in but I was still upset about what he had believed I had been doing. Who thought like that?
“Like you let me explain?”
He rubbed his hands over his face and I noticed he looked tired. “I didn’t handle that well at all. You were behaving so out of character and you wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on. I found you in a hotel room with a complete stranger and next you had large amounts of money coming into your account. What was I supposed to think?”
“How could you think I could do something like that?” I felt compelled to ask.
“There is no excuse for what I accused you of.” He looked so apologetic it did something strange in my chest.
“Did Matthew tell you the truth?” I asked, still trying to gauge how much he knew.
He nodded. “He told me everything.” He raked his hand through his hair. “I still can’t believe it. Your parents have the most solid marriage I’ve ever seen. I had no idea and I felt like a tyrant for even implying what I did. You were going through the most difficult thing and I didn’t make it any easier. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for you.”
