Page 34 of Revealing Mark
“You…mean you don’t want…you’re never going to be with someone?” I found it almost impossible to restate what he meant in my own words.
All those fairytales I had dreamed up about us ending up together disappeared up in smoke. I had spent so much timeimagining how he would realize I was the one for him and we would end up together. It would be perfect.
“I don’t want the responsibility of another’s happiness.”
Responsibility wasn’t a word I had ever associated with being in a relationship. It didn’t go with love, happiness.
“You make it sound like a job,” I murmured, still trying to see where he was coming from.
He shrugged. “People have different views and I’m expressing mine.”
I folded my arms while I digested this new information. He walked past me to the saucepan.
“What on earth is this?” He dangled my favorite mug from his fingers. His expression was comical.
“My mug.” It was big, bulky and colorful, completely opposite to his boring white mugs.
“It looks like a unicorn crapped over it,” he murmured before tilting some of the milk from the saucepan into it.
I ignored him. I loved the multitude of colors painted across it.
“That’s rich coming from you. Everything in your cabinets is either gray, cream or white.”
He smiled and handed me my mug of milk. I took it tentatively, making sure to handle the mug with the hand I hadn’t burned.
“You couldn’t decide on a color so you opted for the most boring color on the planet?” I quipped.
“I like white.”
I had never heard anyone admit their favorite color was white. The more I learned about him the more I realized I didn’t know him at all. It was pretty depressing considering the years he had been in my life.
If I didn’t really know the real Mark, did that in turn undermine how I felt about him? Was I in love with the idea of himand not the reality? Did it really matter, when his outlook on life was so different than mine?
It had been nearly a week and I felt like I was being stalked. Mark was everywhere. He followed me around, he went to every appointment, the only time I got time to myself was when he would disappear into his study or the couple of times he had gone out late to return in the early hours of the morning. He was so secretive about where he had been and what he had been doing. I’d never met anyone like him before.
A part of me wanted to know what he was doing but there was a part of me that was worried about the possibility of a woman. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop caring, but I did. It showed I was nowhere near getting close to being over my feelings for him.
It was becoming more difficult keeping up with my emotions around Mark. In fact, being around him was only amplifying what I felt for him. To survive with some of my dignity intact, I needed to put space between us.
It left me with only once choice, one that I had felt was impossible to make only a week ago, but it was looking more attractive than spending another week with Mark. There had been no further contact with Jack, no emails, no calls, nothing. While I had understood to a certain extent Mark’s protectiveness, I really didn’t feel it was needed any longer.
That night, over a cup of tea, I reached a decision to face whatever consequences fell my way. Tomorrow was Saturday and I was determined to go back home, no matter what Mark said or threatened me with. If that meant revealing the details about my breakup with Jack to my brother, then so be it, I would handle it.
My parents usually held Sunday lunch to bring everyonetogether once a week. So it wouldn’t be long before I would have to face my brother once Mark told him about what I had been hiding.
I wouldn’t be able to move all my stuff in one trip but I intended to come back the next day to get the rest of my cameras and equipment after lunch with my parents.
While I still craved acceptance from my family, I was a grownup and I was responsible for my decisions even if some of them seemed questionable.
Decision made, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. That night I slept lightly, but the next morning I woke up early and packed up my stuff. I wasn’t even going to give Mark a chance to talk me out of it, so I wrote a note that I propped up against the dressing table.
It was the coward’s way out but I was ready to face up to my mistakes. One step at a time.
The sun was only starting to rise when I carried my luggage to the front door. I made sure to keep my footsteps light so I wouldn’t wake Mark. He had returned quite late so I was still convinced he would be sleeping. This would be my chance.
“Going somewhere?” The voice took me by surprise, and I turned, startled.
My heart raced as I spotted Mark sitting on the sofa with his feet propped up on the table.
