Page 79 of Loving Taylor
"What happened?" he asked when I didn't respond.
I leaned against the counter opposite from where Slater stood and set my mug down on the counter. Feeling my agitation rise at the prying question into what was going on only angered me more.
"I let her in," I told him, looking him in the eye. "You warned me." I rubbed my chest when the pain sharpened and it felt like a knife had cut through me.
"I don't think it was ever a choice." He gave me a haunted look. His words didn't make me feel any better. I had always believed that I was in charge of my own life and that I could control what happened. It was my decision to take her virginity, the reasons were inconsequential. But the rest had happened without me being aware of it. And when it was too late, I knew how much she meant to me.
My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket. I was half expecting it to be Taylor but it was my mom. I watched it ring for few more seconds before I answered it.
"Mom," I said more sharply than I had intended.
Slater left me alone in the kitchen to talk to her. Sometimes I wondered if my mother reminded him of parents he was trying to forget. Or it could be the fact that she rarely left me in a good mood after a phone call.
"Hi," she responded in a soft voice, which just made me feel guiltier for speaking to her so harshly.
This time she hadn't been the cause of my anger and I had to remind myself of that fact.
"How are you?" I asked, pushing off the counter just as I dragged my hand through my hair.
"Good."
There was an uncomfortable silence while I debated what to say next.
"You sound preoccupied."
"It's nothing," I said, brushing it off. I didn't want to open up to her about what was going on.
"If something is bugging you, you can talk to me."
I rubbed the back of my neck before lifting my gaze to the ceiling. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted the hurt I was feeling to disappear so I could go back to my old life that didn't include a complicated blue-eyed beauty.
"Thanks, Mom," I said, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
I began to pace.
"Why don't you come and visit?" she invited.
I paused. Before, I would have made up some excuse as to why I couldn't. The need to pack my stuff up and leave for good was gripping more tightly. Going to visit my mother would give me the space I needed.
"Sure."
She seemed momentarily stunned that I had agreed to it.
"I'll be there later today," I added.
"That's great." There was no mistaking the happiness in her voice. I held the phone tighter as it loosened something in my chest. "I'll see you then."
I went upstairs to finish some assignments before I left for my mom’s. It took me hours to complete my work. My concentration was shot. I rubbed my hands over my tired features.
I stuffed some clothes into a duffel bag, not sure how long I was going to go for. The folder that held all the details of my dark past lay beside my bed. I put that in as well. The loose plan was for me to go and stay with my mom until I felt I had the strength to be able to face Taylor again. It was inevitable.
With my mind fixed on my plan, I put it into action.
"Where are you going?" Slater asked when he saw me walking down the stairs with my bag.
I didn't want to tell him I was going to my mom’s. It rehashed memories for him that I knew he would rather forget.
"I need space." I wanted to run and never look back.
