Page 75 of Loving Taylor
I pulled her top off and kissed her again. I wanted to groan in agony when I realized she was only wearing a skirt. The rush of blood that pounded through my ears made it impossible to form a coherent thought. My hand reached for the side of her panties and pulled them down. She stepped out of them.
I got a condom out of my jeans. My hard-on strained against my jeans and I unbuttoned them, freeing myself. I put on the protection as I kissed her again. The heat and softness of her mouth under mine reminded me of how it felt to be inside her. I was losing control. The only thing that mattered was sealing our bodies together as quickly as I could.
Roughly I turned her around and she braced herself with her hands against the wall. I didn't know how much longer I would last and I wanted to come inside her. Buried as deep as I could get. The strength of my physical reaction to her scared me but I couldn't slow myself down or be gentle.
I pulled her breasts free from her bra and pushed the annoying clothing down. I lined myself up with her warmth and pushed into her as my one hand flicked her nipple, bringing my body tightly against her back. She moaned when I began to fuck her. There was no foreplay or sweet caresses, there was just a need to have her as quickly as possible.
She steadied herself against the wall as I thrust into her over and over again. I had no control as I held her hips, angling her against me to penetrate her deeper. She gasped as I pounded her. She fit me like a glove and I bit down on my lip to hold on long enough for her to come before I sought my own.
My body began to tremble and I bit gently into her shoulder, running the sharp edges of my teeth into her soft skin. I was about to reach my release but I stopped myself. My hand reached to the front of her and I stroked her, knowing exactly the pressure she needed. She tensed for a long moment and then she shook as she came.
I followed only seconds later, groaning against her neck.
I couldn't move for a while after. My breath was still hard and it felt like my heart was still racing. Only as the haze of sexual need started to dissipate did I begin to realize how roughly I had taken her up against the wall. It reiterated my already low confidence that I wasn't good enough for her. Something shifted in my chest and I felt regret for not being able to control myself.
It was like the need had taken control, making anything else inconsequential. I got dressed and disposed of the condom while she got dressed and arranged her clothes.
She was smoothing her hair when she noticed I was watching her. She swallowed when she looked at me with the vulnerability that made me feel even worse.
"I'm sorry if I was a little rough." I ran a hand through my hair, feeling agitated, and I wasn’t sure what else to say.
"You weren't." She shrugged.
She sat down on her bed and I joined her. I took her hand gently in mine. The blood was still pounding in my head and then I realized I was starting to get a headache. It was like my mind was working overtime with my thoughts and it was leaving me drained. We started talking about school and anything else that didn't involve the stalker or what had just happened between us. My headache got progressively worse.
We both ended up lying on her bed, not touching. I lay with my hands under my head while she lay with her arms straight on either side. After a few minutes she got up and went to the bathroom.
"Have you got any headache tablets?" I asked, eventually realizing it wasn't going to go away. I sat up on her bed.
"Yeah, in the drawer by my bed," she answered through the door.
I wasn't comfortable going through her personal stuff but the headache I was wrestling with was getting worse. I opened the drawer. There was no mistaking the thick folder. My curiosity got the better of me and I looked inside.
It was unreal. Inside was a photo of me that I’d never seen before. My eyes swept over it, picking up the details of my past all printed nicely one line beneath the other in chronological order.
My gut twisted when I realized what I was holding and what it meant. Betrayal was my first emotion closely followed at the outrage of what it meant. I wanted to throw the folder but I wasn't going to lose control until I'd had a chance to confront Taylor.
The sound of a door opening brought my attention back to the present but I refused to look at her. Instead I paged through the rest of the folder. My whole life was bare to see in the folder, from my time in the gang and short time in juvie. Even the part of my life I had been trying to hide from her was in it.
"I can explain," she said nervously as I closed the folder and stood.
I couldn't look at her. I was disgusted that she had gone behind my back and investigated my past.You did the same to her. But there was no arguing with my reasoning. My jaw tightened as I held on to my temper. The anger I felt was beyond words at the moment.
The one thing that could tear our fragile togetherness was inside the offending folder that I still held tightly in my hands. Even though logically I knew if she had read it then we wouldn't be standing here. She would have already walked away. But the cloud of anger refused to allow me to look at anything in this with any logical reasoning. I was angry and hurt, which was all that counted.
"I don't think you can explain this," I told her in a tightly controlled voice. "I think it speaks for itself, doesn't it?"
Then my eyes lifted to hers. I gave her a look to reflect the anger and pain I felt. Her eyes pleaded with mine. My look hardened and I took a step away, putting more distance between us. I couldn't. The hurt that ached inside me was too painful to hide.
"You need to let me explain," she pleaded, standing between me and the door.
I shook my head at her. I didn't want to hear any of it. Nothing she could say would ease the pain and anger I was experiencing. Right at this exact moment I wasn't sure there was anything she could say to explain away why she had a folder of my background.
"I don't have to do anything for you," I told her firmly, refusing to allow the hopeless look she gave me to weaken the intensity of my anger.
I swallowed, hating how I felt like the scared little boy who had felt so lost in the world. I’d promised when I got my life together I would never feel that way again and up to now I had been able to keep myself protected. But now I wasn't. I had let her in and she had betrayed me.
She looked panicky as I refused to be dissuaded by her pleading.
