Page 71 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Twenty-One
"Ineededyou to understand why I didn't want anyone to find out about it," she explained. "It was bad enough going through what I did but doing it under the watchful eye of the press was traumatic. It didn't just affect me. I put Connor through hell. Not only did he lose both of our parents, he lost me for a while and he fought hard to get me back. My parents had left us some money, but my brother worked hard to make sure he had the money to send me to the best shrinks and get me the best help money could buy. When most people had given up, my brother refused to. And then one day about a year after it happened, I started to improve a little. It took a long time, but I recovered."
Knowing about her past allowed me to understand her better. It even helped me understand the overprotectiveness of her brother. But he had to realize that although at times she looked so fragile and vulnerable, I saw a steely strength in her. She was stronger than she looked.
"Now I understand why your brother is so protective of you."
I fell silent for a few minutes.
"But at least they caught the guys who murdered your parents," I told her.
It would have been so much worse if she still had to contend with the threat that the people responsible hadn't been brought to justice and were still free to come back after her. It must have been some sort of relief to know that the guys who had so thoughtlessly taken the lives of her parents were paying for their crimes.
But nothing would undo what had been done and there was no way to bring her parents back.
"Yeah, they both got life sentences without the chance of parole even though they'd argued they'd been high on drugs," she told me.
I swallowed, not liking how her words reminded me of some mistakes I was still trying to forgive myself for.She will never have to know, I told myself. The more I cared for her the more the fear that I would lose her intensified.
I kissed her forehead and held her tighter as I rode the emotion.
Only a few minutes later she moved away and I let her go. She got up and started to gather up her clothes. I frowned.
"Where are you going?" I asked, feeling the fear that no matter how much I tried I wasn't going to be enough for her to stay.
I could link the feelings of inadequacy to my parents. I hadn't been enough for either of them.
"I have to go." She pulled up her panties. "Matthew is still waiting downstairs."
"Ah, Matthew. I forgot about him." I had totally forgotten about the bodyguard still in my living room. She smiled and it lifted my heart before she put on her top.
Despite her outward body language, I could tell there was something on her mind. Was she still lingering on what she had told me or was there something else she was thinking about? My gut feeling was confirmed when she smiled at me again. This time it didn't reach her eyes. I slipped out of bed. I reached for my jeans and put them on before shoving my feet into my shoes.
"I'll walk you out." I opened my bedroom door for her.
She approached me and the opportunity to ask her what was wrong was over when she hurried past me. I followed her downstairs.
Matthew was casually watching TV when he turned to see Taylor descend the last few steps. He picked up the remote and switched the TV off as he stood up.
Taylor blushed lightly when Matthew took in my half-dressed state. I didn't care. I wanted him as well as every other guy to know she was mine. I eyed him but he remained unaffected, where other guys would have felt intimidated.
Then I moved my concentration back to Taylor.
"At least I know you'll be safe." I walked her to the door and Matthew opened it. He left us alone as he walked to the car.
"Yes, he is the best my brother could find," she assured me as she lingered.
"He'd better be." Thinking that something could happen to her wasn't something I wanted to consider. I'd just found her and I couldn't lose her.
To ease the fear, I leaned forward and pressed my lips briefly to her cheek to reassure myself that she was here with me and safe.
"I need to go," she mumbled.
I didn't want her to go but I also needed space to work through the emotions I had no idea how to handle.
"Bye, Tay," I said, watching as she walked to join Matthew by the car.
He opened the door and she got in. I remained outside, watching them leave.
