Page 68 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Twenty
Ididn't wantto hear her talk about that night but I stayed quiet and listened, seeing the ghosts from her past fill her big blue eyes. The newspaper articles had been extensive on their coverage so there would be nothing gained from taking her back to a moment that had marred her life.
"I spent the evening watching a movie with my mom and dad. They liked to do that with me so I wouldn't miss Connor too much when he was out." She smiled as she started her story. The love she felt for them was evident in her eyes as she fondly remembered her parents.
Before that moment she'd had the perfect type of childhood with a family who loved her. It had only taken one night for the actions of others to take that away from her, leaving her broken.
She trembled and I told her to sit down as I pushed her down onto the bed. She rubbed her forehead like she was trying to collect her thoughts. I lowered myself beside her with her hand still in mine. I needed to touch her and link myself to her while she walked back through the horrific events of that night.
She didn't have to reopen the wound. I was about to tell her that she didn't have to do this.
"I'm not sure what time they tucked me into bed and read me a story. My mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me to have sweet dreams. My father came to kiss me goodnight and told me he loved me. It was our usual routine for bedtime."
But the truth was she was giving me a closer look into why she was the way she was and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I wanted to know it all. Even if it hurt to hear it. I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and she gave me a slight smile.
"I'd been going through a stage of having nightmares and that night I woke up scared. I held my favorite teddy, Mr. Cuddles, tightly in my hands and went to my parents' bedroom to ask my mom if I could sleep in the bed. Still half asleep, my mom opened her covers and I climbed into the bed bedside her." She paused to take an emotional breath. "I was jolted awake by my mom. She was scared and shaking. My dad wasn't in the room. She'd told me to remain calm and to hide in the closet. Confused and still half asleep, I asked her what was wrong. She whispered to me that there was someone in the house and told me I needed to be quiet. I didn't understand what was happening, but I did what she told me. Once I was safe inside the closet she closed the doors. There was enough of a gap to be able to see my mother walk to the door."
There was a faraway look in her eyes, like she had been transported back in time. She looked at the floor. I didn't want to see her like this.
"You don't have to." I took her other hand in mine. Her eyes lifted to mine. I wanted to be able to go back into her memories and stop what was going to happen.
"You know everything, but I need you to understand why it was something that was so hard to carry around with me. What you read would have given you all the grim details, but I want you to understand why I am the way I am," she explained hoarsely. "There was some noise inside the house and I heard my father shout. My mom looked frantic and scared. I'll never forget that fear that I saw on her face. She hurried back to the closet and got me out and then she led me to the window. She opened it up as quietly as she could. I wanted to stay with her, but she begged me to be a good girl and to climb through the window."
My chest tightened when I saw the first signs of tears filling her eyes. They fell and she pulled a hand free to brush them away.
"I whimpered as I climbed through the window. She told me to go and hide in the back yard. I had no idea what was happening, but it was the desperation in her voice that made me run through the darkness to the back of the house. Our property was quite large with a tall boundary wall so I ran as fast as I could still holding onto my teddy bear. I tripped a couple of times... I don't know if it was the adrenaline that kept me from feeling the pain."
More tears spilled down her face and she swept them away with her hand. It was hard to watch her try and keep herself together when her world had been falling apart. I lifted my hands and brushed the wetness from her cheeks.
"I don't like it when you cry," I told her softly. It was tearing me up inside.
"I hid in some thick bushes against the wall. I huddled holding Mr. Cuddles, too scared to move. It was only when the sun came up that I came out of hiding. In the daytime, everything seemed less scary. The house was quiet and the front door was wide open. The house had been ransacked and I crept as quietly as I could. I was scared that the intruders were still in the house. The first place I went to was my parents' bedroom."
It became too much and she closed her eyes for a few moments. I squeezed her hands and held them.
"While I'd been hiding in the dark, I'd imagined all sorts of scenarios, but nothing prepared me for what I found. There was so much blood. My father was lying on his stomach with a knife sticking out of his back. I rushed over to him, but he didn't respond. I'd never seen death before, but I saw it in his eyes. I heard a slight noise and realized my mom was still alive." A sob tore from her and she pulled her hands free from mine to put them to her mouth. She was shaking. "Crying... and becoming more hysterical, I rushed over to her. She was lying in a pool of her own blood. She had a couple of stab wounds...honestly, I don't know how she'd survived that long. I wanted to go and get help, but my mom held my wrist and...told me to stay with her."
She took a moment to try and regroup so she could continue.
"She knew she wouldn't make it and she didn't want to die alone. I held my mother's hand as she struggled to breathe. I told her I loved her just before her chest stopped moving and I couldn't hear her breathe anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
The lump in my throat made it hard to swallow.
"I'm so sorry," I murmured, letting go of her hands to hug her. She leaned her head against my chest. I consoled her for a few minutes before she abruptly broke away from me and stood.
"I kind of shut down after that. It was like I was in a bubble. I knew exactly what was going on around me, but I couldn't interact. I lost track of time. The next thing I remember was when Connor came home and discovered what happened. It's hard to remember exactly what happened after that because I had some sort of breakdown. I just couldn't cope with everything."
At such a young age I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to go through something like that. Her eyes meshed with mine.
"I wasn't crazy." I would have lost my shit had that happened to me.
"You weren't crazy, you just lost your parents and you couldn't cope. It's understandable." I stood up, closing the distance between us.
I was well aware of the stories of her mental breakdown after the murder of her parents. It had been covered along with the trial.
"You look at me the same way they did," she said in an accusing tone. She stepped back.
I felt empathy for the little girl who'd had to grow up practically overnight to deal with a situation she should never have been exposed to. She wasn't crazy.
