Page 65 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Nineteen
Back at college, I kept a low profile. I told myself I was giving her space to work through her anger before I spoke to her again, but the truth was I was unsure of myself for the first time in a long time and I had no idea how to fix what I had screwed up.
The thing was I was so good at cutting girls loose, I didn't know how to keep the one I wanted. What did I say to her? I wasn't ready to share my feelings about her, not just yet. First I needed to get her to realize that I hadn't meant to hurt her. Going behind her back had been wrong and there was no disputing that.
I didn't know the first thing about being with someone. Remembering how much I hurt her made me feel shitty and I wanted to get us back to where we had been before it had happened.
Slater was trying his best to be supportive in the situation but he had as much experience as I had with permanency and girls. We were both clueless.
"Just tell her you're sorry," Slater suggested from where he sat on the sofa with his feet propped against the table. "It's what you’re supposed to say when you do something wrong."
I was pacing up and down, trying to decide on what to say.
"That just sounds lame." My tongue pushed against my lip ring.
We had been at this for an hour already but I was no closer to figuring out what I was going to say to her.
I had to do and say something. I didn’t want to lose her. And that was something I didn't even want to contemplate. Just thinking about it turned the rawness inside me to an ache that made it more difficult to draw breath.
I considered giving her more details about my past with a few omissions to make it up to her. But I wasn't sure it would be enough. What if there was nothing I could do to make her forgive me?
Feeling defeated, I slumped down on the seat beside Slater.
"What if nothing works?" I looked at my best friend.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Then at least you tried."
In our world it was a lot.
The door opened. I knew it would be Eric. Instead of looking at who was entering the house, I looked at Slater. The last thing I wanted was someone else around when I was in such turmoil.
"I'll get him out," Slater assured me in a hushed tone as he stood. "I'll take him out for a couple of hours."
"Thanks."
As much as I had done for Slater, I didn't know how I would have survived without him. He was the person who got me and understood me like no one else.
"Hi, guys," Eric greeted when he entered.
"I'm going to play pool. You wanna play?" Slater asked in Eric's direction.
He was always eager to hang out with us so Slater knew he wouldn't turn down the opportunity to go out with him. I wished he were more like Tucker. He paid his rent but you rarely saw him. I bet it was because he spent his nights sleeping elsewhere with girls.
Most guys preferred to stay over at the girl's place because when you were done you could leave, minimizing any unwanted uncomfortable situations.
"That sounds great."
The appearance of Eric reminded me of his interaction with Taylor in the kitchen. It had annoyed me at the time and I had been meaning to speak to him about it. And now was as good a time as any.
"Before you leave I want a word with Eric," I said to Slater. He gave me a questioning look but I shook my head. Eric nodded.
I walked into the kitchen and turned to lean against the counter as Eric entered. There was something about this guy that just put my back up immediately.
"What's up?" he asked, looking slightly nervous. I had a way of intimidating people. I didn't know if it was my presence, the tattoos or piercings.
"I would prefer if you didn't speak to Taylor about my sleeping habits." I crossed my arms as I pinned him with a determined look. I stopped myself short of telling him not to go anywhere near her.
I didn't want anyone saying something to her that would remind her about the countless girls before her.
