Page 5 of Loving Taylor
I nodded and found myself taking a step closer to her. I was playing with fire but I couldn't allow her to believe she wasn't good enough for me. The truth was I wasn't good enough for her.
She stood up and I reached for her so she wouldn’t fall over. A protectiveness that felt alien to me surfaced. Her hands gripped my shirt as she looked up at me and I fought the urge to cover her lips with mine.
"I want you," she breathed with a sigh. My blood heated at the thought but I shook my head. She was too drunk to understand what she was doing, I kept reminding myself.
I was a lot of things, but I had enough respect for girls to never allow things to happen unless they were able to make the decision without the influence of alcohol.
"We can't," I said, taking hold of her hands. Her skin was soft and I resisted the urge to keep her hands in mine. I guided her back to the bed.
"You can sleep here tonight," I told her as I helped her remove her shoes before tucking her into my bed. I couldn't trust that another guy wouldn't try something with her in the state she was in.
She nodded as she laid her head on the pillow. Her blond hair cascaded around her, making her look even more alluring than before. I was only human and I couldn't take much more. I needed to get away to rebuild my defenses.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"Taylor." It was beautiful, just like her.
The only time girls ended up in my bed was for a night of passion, I'd never allowed a girl to just sleep in my bed. Feeling unsettled, I extracted myself from her before walking with determination to the door.
"I'll be back soon, Taylor," I told her with a backward glance. Outside my room I closed the door and leaned back briefly, trying to rein in my hormones.
I didn't want to go back inside but I was concerned she would throw up in her sleep.
Downstairs, I found Slater having tequila shots with some girls. He drank one and grimaced. His eyes connected with mine. Without any words being spoken he nodded.
I didn't want to tell him about the girl I had upstairs. It would be giving insight into something I wasn't sure I understood myself. He would just assume it was some random girl and that was okay with me.
He headed over to the stereo and turned down the music. A few moaned but Slater pointed to the door. "Party is finished."
I headed back upstairs as Slater began to get rid of people. I hesitated for a moment outside my bedroom door before I opened it and stepped inside.
Beside Taylor's side of the bed I noticed clothes that hadn't been there before. I walked to her side to check on her and she was still awake.
"You okay?" I asked, studying her flushed face.
She shook her head and pulled the covers back to reveal she was undressed and was sleeping only in her underwear.
My eyes swept over her and I was unable to pull my gaze away. She was stunning. The flimsy underwear didn't hide much so her soft curves were there for me to see. I tightened my fists, refusing to allow myself to reach for her.
"I want you," she whispered seductively with hooded eyes.
I reached out and pressed my finger to her lips to stop her from saying anything more. I could only resist so much and I feared she would push me to do something I would regret.
"If you feel the same tomorrow when you're sober then I'll give you what you want," I promised her. I wasn't sure I had the strength to turn her down.
Our eyes held for a moment before she nodded. "You have a deal."
That seemed to appease her. She gave me a dreamy look as she closed her eyes and turned in the bed, burrowing into the pillow. I lifted the covers and pulled them up to her shoulders. For a few moments I stood watching her. I stripped down to my boxers and got into the bed beside her.
I'd never been unsettled by a girl as much, and I was wary of how she made me feel. I liked the control I exercised over my life and who I allowed in.
My mother had called earlier but I had avoided it. It had been enough to put me in a bad mood, bringing back all the memories from a childhood I wanted to forget. But there was no erase button and they seemed to seep back when it was the last thing I wanted to think about.
My eyes drifted back to my bed partner who was sleeping soundly beside me with her hands neatly tucked in under the side of her face. She was the reason why I hadn't invited the other girl to stay the night to keep me busy so I wouldn't have time to think about things that I didn't want to think about.
I lay on my back with my arm across my forehead as unwanted thoughts of my mother entered my mind. She had changed but it still didn't erase her past behavior or how it had impacted on me.
Now that she was sober she was able to give me the love and attention she had been unable to give to me as a child but I didn't have the heart to tell her it was too late. What was done was done and there was no way to take it back. It had given me some consolation that it was something she regretted.
