Page 35 of Loving Taylor
"I thought she hated us?" I murmured, trying to read what he wasn't saying.
"Apparently not." He gave me a dismissive shrug.
"So what happened between the two of you?" I asked. Usually we didn't discuss details, but this girl was different.
"We talked," he murmured softly like he had done something he shouldn't have.
My eyes narrowed as I watched him. He was worse with commitment than I was and he had spent the whole night just talking to a girl? The red sirens in my mind were going off in my head for him.
"Be careful." I set down my half-empty glass of juice on the counter. I felt compelled to warn him.
"The same way you have to be careful with Taylor." He was only stating what I already knew but I wasn't about to lay it out for him to analyze.
I had already spent so much time going over it again and again in my head, and I was sure I was making the right choice. Besides, I couldn't walk away yet. I hadn't had enough of her. Just the thought of her last night, naked in my bed, filled my chest with a warm, prideful feeling.
"I know what I'm doing," I assured him as I crossed my arms. Despite my words he did not look convinced.
"It's just sex. That's it." I raked a hand through my hair.
"I hope for your sake it is," he said and I frowned.
It was.
His warning lingered in my mind as I tried to work on an assignment later, but after thirty minutes I gave up, deciding to retry the next day.
I checked my watch. It was late afternoon. I was due for a visit to my mother and with the uncertainty I felt with Taylor, I decided to pack for a short visit with my mom.
Just before I left, I called her to tell her I would be there a little later. The excitement in her voice scratched the surface of my skin like a knife. It felt like a physical pain. Once I ended the call, I asked myself if I was doing the right thing by going to see her.
You need to remember what happens when you let people in. If you care, they have the power to hurt you.Even my father, who I had never meant, had hurt me with his rejection.
"Where are you going?" Slater asked when he watched me descend the last couple of steps with a bag packed.
"My mom's."
"You want company?" he asked, studying me as he put the game controller down.
I shook my head. I knew it was his way of protecting me but I knew how seeing my mother reminded him of a childhood he didn't want to remember either.
"I'll be back tomorrow."
I usually only spent one night, ensuring I limited my exposure to my mother. Seeing her would reopen the wounds that would remind me of what was at stake.
"Call if you need anything," my best friend said as he went back to the game he was playing.
I left the house and dumped my bag in the back of my Jeep. The sight of my car reminded me of a time when I had just inherited more money than I had known what to do with. Initially overwhelmed, I had spent it on a red Ferrari. Back then I had more money than sense. After wrapping it around a pole and surviving it with only some bruises, I swore I would never do that again.
So now I only bought what I needed, not enough to let anyone suspect I was well-off. The car was nice but it didn't scream ‘rich.’
I put the radio on when I started the car up and backed out of the driveway. I cranked up the music, hoping it would keep my mind off the growing feeling of dread in my stomach.
There had been so many times I had seen what normal families looked like and wished I'd had the same. But all the wishing in the world hadn't changed anything. The only thing that didn't send me into a spiral of panic was the fact that I was in charge of my life now. The fear of being put into foster care was gone, as well as the daily fear of possibly finding my mother's lifeless body.
When I finally arrived in front of the house where my mother now lived with a nurse who could take care of her, I sat for a few minutes, building up the courage to get out of the car.
It was difficult to deal with the fact that every time I was around my mother, I was transported back to the young boy who was fearful of what was going to happen.
I let out a deep emotional breath before I got out of the car and got my overnight bag from the seat. Even though I had my own set of keys, I knocked on the door. I had bought and furnished the house for her but it didn’t feel like a home for me.
