Page 31 of Loving Taylor
Caleb. I glared at him as I remembered her saying his name. He was the reason she had stopped.
The girl I was kissing pulled away and I turned my attention back to her, giving her the confident smile I knew would make her putty in my hands.This is what I need, I told myself.
"What's your name?" I whispered to her, looking at her like she was the most important person in the room.
It wasn't like I was going to remember anyway.
"Paige," she answered.
"You have a pretty name." It was a line I had used before.
New is dangerous, old is good,I reminded myself. I only had to remember what had just happened in the bathroom with Taylor to be reminded of that.
Briefly, out of the side of my gaze, I saw Taylor rub her temple. I hardened myself inside, refusing to be pulled in by the hurt look in her eyes.
Paige looked up at me dreamily and I kissed her again. She didn't taste as sweet as Taylor did. I shut down my thoughts, refusing to compare everything I had felt with Taylor with every other girl.
I had to close the door on Taylor and lock it so there was no reopening it again. Paige wrapped her arms around my waist, making me feel like a noose was tightening around my neck but I didn't push her away. I needed her to shield me from Taylor.
Taylor made her way out of the party with Caleb. She looked back at me one last time. I didn't look away or pretend I didn't see her. I met her gaze with my unyielding one as Paige laid her head against my chest. My eyes took in Caleb beside her briefly before I set my attention back to her.
I wanted her to hurt like I was and I was convinced I saw it in her eyes when she saw Paige getting cozy with me. She left the party, following Caleb out of my house.
I didn't need her. Any other girl could fill the gap she left, I told myself. I was trying to convince myself it was the truth. I felt annoyed that my whole evening had been ruined by the incident with Taylor. I spent another half hour with Paige before making up an excuse and making an exit up to my room.
I wasn't in the mood for company. If I didn't have a house full of people, I would have gone straight to the garage to work out some of my frustration and anger with some boxing. Instead I was pacing my room, trying to work through emotions I wasn't used to.
Raking a hand through my hair, I let out a deep breath, trying to expel the negative emotions building up inside. She had left with Caleb and that fact twisted my stomach.
It was one of those times I wished I could get drunk, then I would be able to numb the pain I was feeling. But spending years cleaning up after my mom, I couldn't bring myself to have more than a few drinks. Besides, I liked to be in control and I needed a clear head for that.
This girl is screwing with your mind,I told myself. I couldn't think straight because all I could think of was Caleb kissing her, or worse. No. I couldn't even think about that.
My physical reaction only affirmed the reasons I had kept rules in place. To protect myself from girls and them from falling for me.
A knock on my door stopped me wrestling with my thoughts. Had Paige come looking for me? Feeling annoyed, I walked to the door and opened it.
Momentarily I was taken by surprise. Taylor stood outside my bedroom, looking nervous. But then I remembered her rejection earlier. That was enough to harden myself toward her.
"Ah, you're back," I remarked.
"I need to talk to you," she said softly.
I frowned slightly, not sure I wanted to talk to her. As I thought about it, I stood unyielding in the doorway to my room. It was only curiosity that made me consider allowing her in. I studied her as I tried to decide if I wanted to hear what she had to say. My tongue flickered against my lip ring.
What had made her come back? I had watched her leave with Caleb, but not even an hour later here she was outside my bedroom door.
It only took me a few seconds to step back and motion her inside. I watched as she entered my room and closed the door. I leaned against it as I allowed my gaze to sweep over her.
She had her arms crossed as she stared back.
"So talk," I told her firmly.
She licked her bottom lip and I couldn't stop myself from following the motion, sending a thrill through me.
"You never gave me a chance to explain why I stopped you," she began to say.
On the outside, I was the calm self-assured playboy, but on the inside I wasn't. The only tell-tale sign was my nervous habit of touching the tip of my tongue against my lip ring. It was a habit when I was unsure.
