Page 96 of Loving Taylor
Her free hand went to her chest like she was reliving the moment she had been taken.
"We had no idea where you were," I continued.
She released an emotional breath. While we had all been worrying and frantically trying to find her, she had been going through such an ordeal at the hands of Eric.
"I didn't just come back because I felt guilty," I stated, brushing my thumb over her hand. "I came back because I made a mistake walking away. A mistake I won't ever make again."
There was no more denying how I felt about her. I was manning up and taking control.
She shook her head at me. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. In my head I had already played this out and this was not the way it had gone down.
"I know what you think you feel. But if you really felt that way, you wouldn't have let go of me so easily."
Her words tore at me like a knife straight to my heart. What was she doing?
"You know what I learned from this whole ordeal?" she asked softly, pulling her hand free from mine. I was still reeling from her words so I let go.
"What?" I asked. I watched her, still struggling to hear what she was saying.
"I learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I was." There was a strength in her that I had seen from the beginning and it shone from her now.
"You were always strong," I said softy. "You just didn't realize it."
She looked a little taken aback but she recovered quickly. "It also made me realize that I need more than you will ever be willing to give," she revealed.
If I was hurt before, it felt like someone was ripping at my heart now. It was one of the things I had struggled with since I had met her. I had never felt good enough for her.
Did she really believe that I wouldn't give her everything I had? Her eyes watered and I hated that she was upset. I didn't want her to cry but I couldn't allow her to keep thinking that she was only a girl I wanted to have sex with. She didn't know she had crept in and taken over my heart. It now belonged to her.
"Don't put words in my mouth," I told her, feeling more determined to fight for her. I wasn't going to let her go. "You have no idea what I'm willing to do to keep you."
She drew in a shaky breath and another tear slid down her face as she looked away from me like it hurt her to look at me. That winded me. Had I made such a terrible mistake that she wouldn't be able to forgive? It was something I had never even considered.
"Leaving town was a mistake and I admit that. I need you to understand why I did what I did."
She refused to look at me as she began to quietly cry. I felt like the biggest asshole on earth that she was crying because of me. I had screwed up more than a few things but this time it really hurt to watch her pulling away from me.
I could see it in her body language and the way she refused to look at me that I may have already lost her.
"Sex with you is...so good—more than good—but I need more than a physical relationship," she said, this time looking at me.
Couldn't she see that she meant so much more than just that?
"What if I want to give you what you want?" I was laying myself out in the open, feeling unsettled like the first time I had met her. She had that way of making me feel so nervous, it left me feeling so damn unsure.
"You've never dated anyone." She said it like my past predicted my future, like it wasn't possible for me to change, but I had. She had made me want so much more. What had made me content in my past wasn't enough now.
"But what if I want that with you?"
I wasn't used to opening up to anyone but I had to be honest with her if I wanted a shot at keeping her.
Another tear escaped down her face. I brushed it away. I didn't want her to cry anymore. This was supposed to be a happy moment. I was supposed to tell her how much I cared for her and she was supposed to be happy that I had finally realized how deeply I felt about her. But that wasn't how this was going down and I had no idea how to fix it.
"No, it won't work." She shook her head gently.
Why wouldn't she give me a chance to try and make her happy? I didn't know how to date someone but I was willing to learn with her. Didn't she know how much I was out of my depth?
"Why are you being so stubborn?" I finally shot back angrily. "I want to give you what you want, and I don't understand why you won't let me."
