Page 86 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Twenty-Five
Time lostall relativity as each minute passed without any news about Taylor. I wanted to go out and troll the streets to find her but logically I knew it was a waste of time. I couldn't eat or sleep. Every single thought was focused purely on her and how to find her. I would stay up all night looking out the window trying to go through my mind with a fine-tooth comb through my memories to make sure I didn't miss something that could lead me to her.
The person who had spiked her drink had attended the party at my house but there was no one who stood out as suspicious. I regretted not taking it more seriously at the time. But even if we had reported it there would have been very little evidence.
I rubbed my hands over my face.
I hadn't even noticed anyone around her acting strangely. Whoever was responsible for kidnapping her had planned it well.
I should have been relieved that the accident he had caused hadn't killed her. But after seeing pictures of the crash, I couldn't believe she had escaped it without injury. There wasn't any blood but that didn't mean she hadn't been injured.
It was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
Jeff was doing his best to track her down. He wasn't convinced we would find her alive but I wouldn't accept any other outcome.
It was the reason I had kept away from Connor, Matthew and Jordan. I couldn't stand to watch them mourn for her like she wasn't here anymore. I needed all my strength to keep myself focused on the fact that she was going to be found alive.
Slater hadn't left my side since I had returned. He didn't know how to help me so he sat across from me when I was quiet and subdued. He listened when I ranted and raved, unable to deal with the anger that someone had taken her. And he was there to tell me that it wasn't my fault even though his words fell on deaf ears.
I blamed myself. If I hadn't taken off then I could have stopped it from happening. If I hadn't gotten so angry with her and shut her out, she would have been safe with me. Not out with Matthew on the way to the movies.
I stood up and began to pace again.
"You need to get some sleep," Slater said, his voice pulling me out of my dark thoughts. It was early evening and we were in the living room.
Other than a few hours here or there I hadn't been able to enter a deep sleep. The worry and guilt was eating me alive. I was struggling to function.
"I can't." I shook my head. I knew I couldn't carry on like this much longer but I didn't know how to handle the reality that I had no control in Taylor's situation. It was out of my hands and I could only wait it out.
When I was alone the thoughts that plagued me were so horrifying I sometimes couldn't bear to close my eyes for a few minutes. Images of her scared and alone, hurt in a dark environment at the mercy of some sick guy who was doing God knows what to her. The pain that swept over me was suffocating and relentless.
No.I stopped myself, forcing myself to keep the panic at bay, and my lungs opened up again. I couldn't think about what might be happening to her. I rubbed my forehead again, trying to stop the dark thoughts from taking over.
I had to believe she was still okay.
No experience in my life was worse than what I was going through while waiting for Jeff to find her.What if he doesn't?I closed my eyes briefly when the pain of losing her assaulted me again. I had never felt so helpless.
My mind was so tired I kept going around in circles. My thoughts were muddled and confused. I was struggling to concentrate. I rubbed the back of my neck to ease the tiredness of my aching muscles.
"What's taking Jeff so long?" I muttered, redirecting the little energy I had at the only person who had any hope in finding her.
"You want coffee?" Slater asked, standing.
I nodded, feeling the tiredness grip me and I slumped down on the sofa. I closed my eyes briefly and tilted my head up to the ceiling.
I'd never believed in a higher power, not since I had been a small child praying that my mother would stop drinking. When my mom had continued her downward spiral, I had convinced myself that no one was listening. But now I prayed. It was all I had.Please let her be okay and let her find her way back to me.
I promised if I ever got the chance to hold her again I would never let anything happen to her. When something as serious as this happened, the betrayal seemed inconsequential—especially when I had done the same. Anything that had kept us apart before didn't matter anymore. The only thing that counted was her safe return to me.
But what if it doesn't happen?
It only took a quick look back to the newspaper articles I had read about Taylor's parents' murders to show that bad things happened to good people all the time. There was no guarantee that Taylor would survive this ordeal.
My instinct told me to prepare for the worst-case scenario, that she wouldn't be coming out of this alive. But I couldn't. It was something I wasn't in any state to face. I doubted it would ever be something I could handle.
Feeling agitated and hyped from the energy drink I’d had earlier, I sat up and interlinked my hands loosely.
It didn't matter how much Slater told me her disappearance wasn't my fault, I couldn't see it that way. I even held some resentment toward Matthew for not being able to stop the deranged kidnapper from taking her. It didn't matter that he had been unconscious.
