Page 62 of Loving Taylor
For the first time since I had arrived, I allowed myself to remember all I’d discovered about her and her traumatic childhood. I couldn't stop or hide my feelings about what she had gone through and how much I wanted to be able to wipe the darkness from her light.
I moved closer but I didn't touch her. She opened her eyes and looked deep into mine. And there was no more hiding what I knew.
Her reaction was worse than I had expected. She looked horrified after she read the truth in my eyes. There was no mistaking the sympathy in my eyes for her. The little hope I had held on to seemed to dwindle and I was left with the hard truth: I was going to lose her. It left me struggling to breathe as panic set in.
"I'm sorry," I managed in a whisper. My hand reached for her. I wanted to touch her one last time but she wrenched away from me. The sound of her first sob tore through me like a ragged-edged knife.
"Don't touch me." She put her hand up to keep me away.
Any guilt I had felt before was nothing compared to how shitty I was feeling at the look of betrayal in her eyes. She had every right to feel that way and there was little I could say to take it away.
"How much do you know?" she whispered, looking so fragile like she was about to fall apart.
I wanted to lie to lessen the blow but I knew it would just make things worse in the long run. I had to be honest, even if it killed me.
"Everything."
She began to unravel right in front of my eyes. She pressed her hands to her mouth to smother the horror. And there was nothing I could do to take it back.
"I'm sorry," I whispered again. I tried to step closer but she moved out of my reach and I dropped my hand to my side.
"Stay away from me," she told me.
I kept fighting the instinct in me to gather her up and hold her. Seeing her in so much pain and being the cause of it made me feel sick to my stomach.
"Get out," she said. Her voice was steady but her actions gave her away. She wrapped her arms around her waist like she was still trying to hold herself together.
"Don't do this, Tay," I told her. My instinct overcame my determination and I reached for her again, hoping that if I could at least touch her it might sway her but she refused to let me.
"I didn't want you to know but that didn't stop you." She paused for a moment, closing her eyes for a few moments.
All I could say was, "I'm sorry."
"Get out!" she shouted.
Her big blue eyes watered and I felt like something had sucker-punched me in the stomach. I deserved to feel the pain and the guilt weighing down on me. I deserved it all.
Then to make matters worse the door to her bedroom crashed open and Matthew filled the doorway. He looked at Taylor, who had tears running down her cheeks, and then his tightly controlled features turned to me.
"What happened?" Matthew asked me as he entered the room, looking between the two of us as he tried to read the situation. He seemed to assess her before he faced me, standing protectively before her.
I was already calculating how fast I could get a swing in before he could block me. "This has nothing to do with you." I took a menacing step toward him.
"If it has anything to do with Taylor, then it has something to do with me," he stated firmly, still blocking her from me.
"Just go," Taylor's hoarse voice broke the growing tension between Matthew and me.
She wouldn't even look at me. Her eyes were fixed on the floor. I studied her, trying to figure out what I could say to turn the situation around.
"Tay, just let me explain," I pleaded, trying to get closer to her, but Matthew blocked me.
I clenched my jaw, trying to contain my anger.
"There is nothing you can say." She shook her head.
The broken look she gave me tilted my world and I knew I had lost.
"You need to leave," Matthew instructed fiercely, putting a hand to my chest to stop me from moving any closer.
