Page 21 of Loving Taylor
I was nervous. That unsettled feeling growing in the pit of my stomach was making it worse. I stood up and paced my room.
Get a grip, I told myself. I hadn't felt this way about a girl before. Usually I met a girl and after a night together I walked away. So waiting for a girl to arrive was something I wasn't used to but it still didn't explain why I was nervous.
I was good at sex. I'd had plenty of practice. What the hell was I nervous about? I knew by the chemistry alone that tonight would be amazing. I had already realized she was different but I was still going to go through with it despite any misgivings I had.
I had told Slater she would be coming tonight and he had ensured the house would be empty. If he had acted the way I had over a girl, I would have thought he was crazy and I don't know if I would have been as supportive as he was being.
The sound of a knock at the door pulled me out of the array of emotions I was sifting through.
She was here.
My heart started up at the thought of her on the other side of the door waiting for me.
I rolled my shoulders back slightly, mustering the courage to tackle this with my usual detached confidence. I opened the door and the sight of her in a blue top and jeans quickened the beating of my heart and I smiled to cover the anxiousness I felt.
"You came," I said.
"Hi," she greeted, looking so nervous I wanted to reassure her that she could stop this at any time. I didn't want her to do more than she was ready for.
It was one thing talking about it and making the decision but it was different actually going through with it. And losing their virginity was usually a big deal for girls.
Then what the hell are you doing getting messed up in this?But I ignored my conscience. I had told her I would and I stood by my decision. Even if my survival instinct told me to run as fast as I could before it was too late.
I let her into the house and closed the door. She scanned the empty living room.
"Where are your roommates?" she asked.
"They're out." And I was so glad we didn't have an audience right now.
She looked more nervous than before.
"Do you want a soda?" I offered, keeping my gaze focused on her. I didn't know how to ease her nervousness. I was used to girls who knew what they were doing.
She shook her head. I watched her, trying to figure out if she was having second thoughts.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked softly, giving her the opportunity to stop before we started.
She nodded. She was determined to go through with this and that meant there was no backing out for me either.Remember it's either you or some other guy who would only use her for his own gratification.
"Okay." I reached for her hand and led her upstairs to my bedroom. The feel of her smaller hand in mine made me feel protective of her.
She surveyed my neat and tidy room. Her eyes fixed on the bed and I saw a slight frown in her features.
"The sheets are clean," I told her, knowing she was probably wondering about all the girls who had been with me before.
"Good," she said swiftly. She clutched her hands tightly together.
"Relax," I told her as I walked to her. She looked up at me.
She is so beautiful, I thought to myself as I studied her for a moment.
"Breathe," I instructed, giving her a smile to put her at ease. She let out the breath she had been holding.
It was time.
I reached for her hand and tugged her closer. My hand went to her waist as her body touched mine. After fighting it for so long it felt strange being able to hold her and do all the things I had wanted to. She looked up at me with a trust I wasn't sure I deserved. But I wanted her so much I would give her anything she wanted at that moment.
"I know this is your first time, and you're nervous. But you shouldn't be." My words did nothing to ease the anxiousness I could see in her eyes.
