Page 16 of Loving Taylor
Chapter Five
I'd spentmost of my morning working up a sweat, needing the physical exertion to close off my mind. I didn't want to analyze the events of the night before and try and figure out what had unsettled me so much.
My muscles ached and sweat poured down my body. I was like a machine that kept going, on and on. Determined.
By mid-day, after a shower and doing some of my assignments, I was feeling better. More in control. I brushed off the night before as a once-off that I would not allow to happen again.
Slater and a couple of friends were playing games but I wasn't in the mood.You haven’t been much in the mood for any of your usual vices, I couldn't help thinking distastefully. And, besides, I needed to get some work done.
I had learned patience and control over time and I wouldn't allow it to be shaken by anyone even if they had pretty blue eyes and legs that went on forever.
I was leaning back in my chair, staring at the same sentence for the last ten minutes on the screen. I straightened up and rubbed my eyes. My concentration was shot so there was no point trying to push what wasn't working. Resigned, I closed my laptop with the intention of trying again later after I'd had a break.
My body was tired and so was my mind.
"Sin!" I heard Slater yell from downstairs. My bedroom door was open. If it hadn't been, I wouldn't have heard him. I stood and left my room.
At the top of the stairs Slater was by the front door and there stood Taylor standing nervously when my eyes met hers. I hadn't been expecting her. The sight of her was a surprise but I hid my reaction. She was in my territory this time, and after last night I wasn't going to allow her to affect me. I was in full control now.
I descended the stairs with my eyes on her. Slater went back to the living room to his friends again. She was dressed in causal blue jeans and a shirt, less revealing than I was used to seeing her in. How could I forget the mini skirt she had worn the first time I had met her?
"I never expected to see you again," I said when I came to stop in front of her. I wasn’t sure what she was doing in my house or why she was looking for me.
She looked nervous as hell and my curiosity was piqued despite my decision to keep her at a distance.
"Hi..." she said, throwing a nervous look at the guys watching our exchange with curiosity.
"We can talk upstairs," I told her, shaking my head at them. They weren't even pretending they weren't eavesdropping. The only way to talk to her without an audience would be to take her up to my room.
I wasn't totally comfortable with bringing her into my personal space again but I didn't seem to have much choice in the matter. She was silent as she followed me up to my room.
Once she was inside, I closed the door and faced her. She looked even more nervous than before. I cocked my head slightly as I watched her. Her cheeks flushed. She looked like an innocent lamb being led to slaughter.
"You don't have to be nervous," I said, stepping closer.
I had a profound effect on the opposite sex and I had left enough girls tongue-tied but there was something about seeing her nervous that pulled at something inside of me.
"I wanted to...ask...you," she stuttered. She had my undivided attention.
"What do you want to ask me?" I prompted, wanting to know why she had sought me out. I stood confidently, waiting for her to get to her reason for seeking me out. She swallowed.
Then she blurted out, "I want to take advantage of you in a sober state."
I hadn't expected that and I couldn't hide my surprise at her request. She wanted me to take advantage of her. The suddenness of her words and what she said made me smirk at her. She had guts being so direct with me, especially knowing how innocent she was. I bet she had never done this before.
"You want to take advantage of me?" I asked, my smirk widening into a smile.
She nodded.
Her eyes held mine before I dropped my gaze to sweep over her from head to toe, remembering how beautiful she had looked beneath her clothes. And here she was asking me to take her to bed.
The temptation was there. But no matter how screwed up I was, I lived by rules I never broke. I was finally facing what I had already been suspecting. I had never bedded a virgin before. It wasn't just the emotional attachment that kept me far away from them. It was more than that. I had lost any innocence I might have had at a young age. Seeing the things that I had, living the childhood I had, ensured I knew how bad the real world really was. Fairytales and happy endings didn't exist.
I didn't want to be the one to take her innocence from her. All I could offer her was one night of steamy sex and then nothing else. Even if she agreed to my rules it would be much more difficult for her to be able to distinguish between the emotional and physical side of sex.
My reputation preceded me but I knew in the cold light of day when I turned my back on her after a night together it would be too much for her to handle.
But you want her.But I wouldn't take her innocence and hurt her in the process. Let her find someone special to share it with. There was obviously a reason why she had kept it for so long. I took a moment to find the right words to brush her off without hurting her feelings. I don't know why I cared, but I did.
