Page 83 of Breaking Matt
I shrugged. I wasn't good at rejection or revealing it to someone.
"Does it matter?" It came out as a hoarse whisper and I felt like I was about to burst into tears. I gritted my teeth to stop myself, refusing to show how vulnerable I felt.
"What did he do?" he asked, still frowning.
"It's not his fault," I began to say and then I let out a deep emotional breath. "I did this. I broke us."
His features softened and he took the last step out of the pool to stand in front of me. His hand reached out and touched my arm.
"Everything you did was because you love him."
"It doesn't matter what my reasons were," I said bitterly. "The outcome is still the same." I swallowed hard, tying to keep my composure, but the softening in his features made it harder to keep it up.
"You want me to talk some sense into him?" he offered.
I didn't believe he could fix this. It would just probably cause issues between the two of them and I didn't want that.
"No. That would just make things worse."
I reached for the towel on the chaise and wrapped it around me, feeling a need to use it as a shield.
He gave me a slight nod, accepting my request before I walked back to the house, hoping I wouldn't run into Matthew again. I was feeling raw and vulnerable. There was no way I would be able to bottle up my emotions if I had to face him again.
From the pain in my chest I didn't know how long it would be before I would be able to see him again.
It was only upstairs in my bedroom after I closed my door that I felt I could release the tears. I sat down on my bed with the towel still wrapped around me. I could still feel Matthew's body imprinted against mine, the graze of his stubble against my cheek, while I cried for losing what we'd had.
Like I had told Mark, it didn't matter what my reasons had been. There was no guarantee that knowing why I had done it would wipe away his reasons for being angry with me.
And it was probably too late already. The hope I held before had disappeared and all I was left with was a nothingness. I wanted to remember what we had but I wasn't strong enough to endure it knowing it was already lost.
I didn't leave my room for the rest of the day. I tucked myself into my bed and hid from the world while I licked my wounds and tried to figure out how to carry on.
Chapter Twenty-Five
This timeit was harder to pretend everything was fine. My heart had been battered and bruised, which only worsened when I caught a glimpse of the reason why. I'd seen him twice in the last couple of days and it had been enough to steal the breath from my lungs, making it harder to breathe.
Our eyes had met and the coldness in his eyes had stopped me in my tracks. He'd never looked at me like that. It felt like our brief encounter hadn't impacted him at all. It was like he'd shrugged off whatever happened between us and carried on like nothing had ever happened.
Not only had it damaged my confidence but it had only worsened my heartbreak. I had always been the one to walk away but this time I was the one being left behind.
It was just before lunch and I went downstairs to raid the fridge. I was craving some junk food. Dealing with a broken heart was making me crave sugar for some reason. I opened the fridge and leaned in, looking for something to fill the gap in my chest, but nothing piqued my interest. I closed the fridge.
I heard steps outside the kitchen and walked over to the doorway to see. I caught sight of the back of Matthew. It hit me square in the chest like a hammer, leaving me shaken. He was headed in the direction of my father's study. Did he have a meeting with my father? My father was working from home for the day.
I debated what to do for a few brief seconds before I decided to follow him quietly. He entered the study but didn't close the door. As I drew closer I could hear him talking to my father. For a moment I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of Matthew's voice. I missed it, and him. When I opened my eyes I released a quiet, emotional breath. I was about to turn and leave, scared I would be caught, when I heard what they were talking about.
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I heard my father say.
Now I was curious. What did Matthew want to do? I pressed myself up against the wall and edged closer to ensure I heard Matthew's response.
"It's either that or we continue to wait," he said. "And we have no idea how much longer this will drag on for. We still haven't been able to link any of the crimes to Nick and the probability we'll be able to is lessening every day."
Matthew paused. "How long do you think Sarah will last?"
I was already feeling the effects of being imprisoned in my home. He knew me well.
"It's only a matter of time before she becomes impatient and pushes to carry on with her life. You can't keep her here forever."
