Page 21 of Breaking Matt
I remained silent until I was so close I had to look up at him. His eyes darkened as his eyes dropped to my lips. It was a visible confirmation of the effect I had on him. The chemistry between us had been explosive. I leaned closer and he swallowed hard. My lips were so close to his as I raised myself up on my tiptoes so our eyes were level. It would have been so easy to ignore the pain and press my lips to his. I wanted to glide my hands through his silky light brown hair.
He would put his arms around me and pull me close. I'd be able to lean into him and breathe him in. Before the lies it would have felt like heaven, but now I felt like I was burning in hell. The agony of my feelings were suffocating me from inside. Every time I saw him I was reminded of his deception.
"You really think there is an excuse for the way you lied to me?" I asked calmly. I had to show him I was indifferent to him and everything we'd shared meant nothing now.
He reached out a hand to pull me closer but I stepped back, putting myself out of reach. If he touched me there was a chance I would falter, and I had to be strong.
"No, Matthew," I said in a steady voice as I shook my head. I looked at him without any visible emotion. Keeping a handle on the emotions inside of me was hard but somehow I managed to keep him from seeing them.
"I'm sorry," he said, dropping his hands to his sides. His eyes still held mine.
"That's it? You expect to say sorry and everything will be forgiven?" I said, struggling to contain my anger. I was hurt and he thought two simple words were good enough to erase all the lies? Every kiss, every touch between us, had been marred by his deceit.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said softly. Did it make it better to deal with? Did it soften the impact of the lie? It didn't.
"But you did," I said, crossing my arms.
I wanted to kick myself for admitting it. I wasn't supposed to show how upset I really was.
"When I took this job, I knew there would be some deceit. Your father explained your reluctance to have a bodyguard and I was told to watch over you from a distance," he said softly. "It was only when Ryan started to become an issue that things changed."
"Why would my father use you when you failed to protect Taylor?" I asked, feeling a little satisfied I could remind of him of his failure.
"I came highly recommended from one of his friends." He pressed his lips together.
"So was taking me to bed part of your job description?" I asked, feeling my hurt rise up. I bit my lip as I waited for his answer.
"I was told to do whatever it took to protect you. I wasn't completely comfortable with it."
"Then why did you do it?"
Our eyes met.
"It was too late for me to walk away. I cared already. I told myself I could keep things from getting out of hand but clearly I was wrong."
So he hadn't just been playing hard to get in the beginning. He'd been trying to keep his distance. It wasn't enough to ease the grip on my chest that physically hurt.
"I'm so glad to hear that," I said sarcastically.
I had gone after him, not the other way around, but I ignored that fact. Betrayal blinded any logical thinking. I didn't believe him. Everyone had a choice and he'd made the wrong one.
To a normal person my father's actions would be madness but my father wasn't normal. His lack of emotion and practical thinking would allow him to tolerate the deceit as long as the end result was my safety.
"It doesn't matter, really," I said, feeling the coldness seep into me as I closed off my hurt. His eyes narrowed at my sudden change.
"It wasn't like things were serious between us," I added, belittling what we'd had. "I suppose it was fun while it lasted, but it's time to move on."
He looked at me with a guarded look.
"Move on?" he questioned. I raised an eyebrow. Did he honestly think we could have continued on after I discovered the truth?
"I don't want things to be awkward. This isn't your typical break-up, now is it?" I asked. "I could ask my father to replace you."
Then I wouldn't have to face him and be reminded of his deceit.
"I'm the best at what I do. You won't find anyone better." He crossed his arms.
"How old are you?" I asked. There was no way he was nineteen like he had told me.
