Page 78 of Breaking Matt
There was the unmistakable feeling of loss and disappointment that sometime in the night he had left me alone in the bed. It was a reminder I had hurt him and I had to accept the consequences.
While he slept peacefully, I took the time to watch him. I had missed him so much and being able to give myself a few stolen minutes I could take him in with him unaware was something I treasured. He shifted slightly in the chair. He looked uncomfortable and I felt bad. He would rather try and sleep uncomfortably than lie beside me in a comfortable bed.
Feeling a renewed sense of hurt, I dragged myself out of my bed as quietly as I could to my bathroom. I closed the door and leaned against it for a few moments, trying to find the strength to push myself through the fear of what happened yesterday. There was nothing I could do about it. It was over, and somehow I needed to find a way to deal with it without leaning on Matthew.
My attempt to keep him out of my life had failed. All it had done was hurt him. It was complicated. Feeling frustrated with myself, I stripped and got into the shower. I washed myself as well as I could with my injured wrist. I tightened the towel around me before I entered my bedroom.
Matthew was sitting on the chair rubbing his neck.
I stopped and watched. It was only a few moments before his eyes lifted to mine. I swallowed. The soft look of affection I was used to seeing in his eyes when he looked at me was gone. It confirmed we were still back to where we were before yesterday's attempt on my life. It was something I already knew, but being confronted with it directly was different.
"Thanks for staying with me," I said quietly.
He stood up and shrugged his shoulders. "It's my job." His cold eyes held mine.
His words hurt but I tried to hide how much. "I told my father I didn't want you involved in my security anymore."
My feelings for him made me want to push him further away but that wasn't within my control anymore. I took solace in the fact that my decision to keep him safe had at least taken him out of direct line as my bodyguard.
He put his hands on his hips as he cocked his head to the side. "I run the company, so I make the decisions when it comes to your safety." His eyes were cold. "I told your father if you don't want me involved then he could hire another company."
The fact that he had been prepared to walk away made it harder to breathe but I remained calm on the outside even if it had been what I wanted. The wrestle between my mind and heart was confusing.
"But your father knows we are the best and he isn't willing to take any chances with your life."
It irked me that I had put myself through hell to do the right thing and it had all been for nothing.
"Fine," I said stiffly. "I don't want what happened between us to make things uncomfortable."
"The only way things would be uncomfortable is if I still cared," he said, his voice calm and in control. His eyes darkened. "And trust me: I don't."
There was no softness in his features, which only added to his words. He was over me. I'd succeeded. My throat tightened but I pushed through the pain.
"Good." It took all of my control to walk past him like I hadn't just had my heart wrenched from my chest as I went to open the closet. I looked back at him over my shoulder. "Get out. I need to get dressed."
He didn't linger. The door closed behind me and I felt the sting of tears. The fact that he had not slammed the door showed his calm control. If he had still cared he would have been angry and would have slammed it. I felt the loss. It was like a piece of me was missing.
Still holding on to the door of the closet, I struggled to rein in my tears. I gritted my teeth and tilted my head upward for a few moments. My heart hurt.
I had just gotten some clothes on when there was a knock at my door.
"Come in."
My father stepped into the room. "Sarah."
"Hi."
He walked to me and engulfed me in a hug. "You're okay." He breathed into my hair, taking me by surprise.
My mother had been the affectionate parent, constantly wrapping me up in hugs and dropping kisses on my cheeks. My father on the other hand had been the complete opposite. I can't remember the last time he'd told me he loved me before all this had started, whereas my mom had told me every day.
I nodded. "I'm fine."
"Someone will be over later to take a statement," he informed me.
At this rate I would be on a first-name basis with all the cops in the area. I frowned when I remembered I had seen the face of the driver clearly before he had tried to shoot me.
"I saw one of the guys," I murmured to my father, still taking in the details from my memory, his deep-set eyes and his shaved head.
