Page 34 of Breaking Matt
Even if it did somehow get out that I'd been unfaithful to Matt, it wouldn't be a big deal. People cheated on their partners all the time and they moved past it. I was determined to go through with my threat despite everything.
It was disconcerting that Matthew never looked in my direction for the entire class. I was used to being the center of his attention and I didn't like the fact that I wasn't.
Once you move on, it won't matter anymore, I kept reminding myself over and over again.
At the end of the class I got up and made my way down to the guy I had my eye on. He turned to me when I reached him. I never said a word, but I gave him a knowing smile as I shoved my folded note in his hand before I walked away. I made my way back to the exit of the class where Matthew was waiting for me. He surprised me when he gave me a smile as we walked out of the classroom together.
I frowned. I hadn't expected him to go, like, caveman jealous—but I had expectedsomereaction to seeing me shove a note into some other guy's hand. It was puzzling and it gnawed at me for the rest of the day. Could it be he was playing me so well I had no idea what he was up to? He was usually so open about what he wanted.
For the rest of my classes I was preoccupied with my thoughts, but by the time I got back to the apartment I was frustrated with his being indifferent to me. I had no idea why it affected me so much. Was it that I wanted him to care about me? I wanted him to be jealous and I wanted him to fight for me. But he wasn't.
Feeling tired, I went straight to my room when we entered the apartment. I needed some time away from him to sort through my thoughts and feelings. He was so composed that it was frustrating to watch. I had no idea how I would feel about him giving his number to another girl. Well, that was a lie—I wouldn't like it and I knew it.
Despite everything he'd put me through I still cared about him and that wasn't going to change overnight. There was no guarantee the guy I'd given my number to was going to call, so that left me with only one option. I took a deep breath, trying to get some of my confidence back. I could do this.
Smiling to myself, I wondered if he would be able to keep the indifference going if I seduced him like I'd threatened to. Just thinking of how I'd gotten to him the day before boosted my fragile ego. I went to my wardrobe.
It was getting closer to dinnertime and I could hear him busy in the kitchen. I got into the shower intent on pulling out all the stops to make sure I was successful. There would be no failure and I was going to get what I wanted on my terms.
I decided on some sexy red silk pajamas, the color screaming out my intention to seduce him. I pulled out the shorts and top. I wasn't going to go overboard with makeup but I did put on my favorite perfume. I knew he found it to be irresistible.
By the time I had made it out of my room he was already sitting at the dinner table eating. My food was already placed in front of the chair opposite him. I wasn't interested in the food, I was interested in him.
At the sight of me he stopped eating and his eyes fixed on me. There was no doubt I'd taken him by surprise, and for a moment I saw the want in his eyes. It pushed me forward.
In front of him I stopped. He pushed out of his chair and stood up. I looked up at him as I stepped forward, not touching him.
"I want you," I said to him, watching him. His gaze swept over me and I felt the heat of it brush over my skin. "And you want me."
He remained silent and still. The sight of his hands fisted by his sides told me he was fighting it.
"Take me."
Chapter Eleven
He didn't touch me.
"I want you more than anything," he said softly as his eyes caressed my face. I felt my heart flutter at the admission. "But I will only take you if I can have all of you. Sex I can get from anyone, but I want back how you made me feel."
I felt like someone had slapped me and I took a step back. Hurt he'd turned me down, I turned and fled back to my room. Slamming the door behind me.
Tears slid down my face as I sat down on my bed and wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to cope with the pain and the bewildered feelings I was dealing with. My heart ached like it had been wounded. I'd trusted him totally and somewhere in the last few weeks he'd crept into my heart and made a place there that would always belong to him. Then when I'd found out about his deceit, that place had become a source of pain.
I didn't want to feel the hurt. I wasn't good with dealing with emotions. It was so much easier shutting it out and only concentrating on the physical side I'd shared with him. It had to be just about that because I couldn't allow him back in. I didn't trust that he wouldn't hurt me again.
People hurt the people they loved even when they didn't mean to. It was just human nature. Being stupid enough to allow someone in was my mistake and I didn't plan on repeating it.
Brushing my tears away I stood up and began to pace up and down the length of my room. As if answering my inner turmoil, my phone began to ring. I picked it up and looked at the screen. It wasn't a number I recognized, which meant it was probably the cute guy I'd given my note to. I took a deep breath to calm myself down as I put my phone to my ear and answered the call.
"Hi," I said.
"Hey, gorgeous," the guy said.
I could already feel myself talking myself into doing what I needed to do to get rid of the feelings I had for Matthew.
"What's your name?" I asked, trying to make a little conversation. It didn't matter what his name was; I wasn't interested in getting to know him. I didn't need to know his favorite color or any details like that. I liked what I saw. He was good-looking and fit. I knew it was shallow but that was enough for me.
"Zac," he answered.
