Page 22 of Breaking Matt
"I'm twenty-three." And there it was, more betrayal.
"Was anything you told me true?" I asked, feeling raw inside.
"Yes."
I frowned, knowing my father wouldn't allow me to replace Matthew if it would mean someone else less capable. My father would not budge when it came to my safety.
"Well then we'll have to make do with the situation." I dropped my arms to my sides, pretending I was in complete control of the situation.
He gave me a contemplative look. I hadn't behaved the way he'd expected and he wasn't sure how to handle me. He was good at reading people.
"You will continue to protect me, so we need to make sure we keep things uncomplicated," I said to him in a light tone, and I got my first glimpse of a moment's hurt in his eyes before he masked it over. His eyes hardened.
I felt a rush at the fact I'd been able to inflict some pain his way—but he would need to experience a lot more before I called it even.
"I expect you to be professional," I added, and his jaw tightened.
He studied me for a moment before he gave me a brief nod.
"Your father has insisted I move into the apartment to be in a better position to keep you safe," he informed me in a businesslike voice. It was like he was talking to a stranger. His coldness had taken me by surprise. I was taken aback for a moment before I recovered.
"Whatever," I said with a shrug.
I hadn't expected to be forced into such a confined space with him, but with a bit of planning I could use it to my advantage. I was already formulating a plan.
"I'm not the only one," he revealed.Just when I didn't think there was more, I thought with disgust.
I frowned as my eyes shot to his. There was only one person who came to mind. "Mark?"
"Yes." It felt like another betrayal.
The idea of bodyguards wasn't appealing, but even I had to admit that if my parents had gone to these lengths to protect me, the threat had to be real.
"Fine," I agreed. It wasn't possible for him to watch me all the time.
"I will work out all the details," he assured me.
I could feel my strength start to slip and I wanted to be alone to lick my wounds. I'd never had to deal with heartbreak before, so this was all new to me.
"I'm tired," I told him. "I'm going to lie down."
"Do you need me to get you anything?" he asked, still with that tone that made me want to slap him. But how could I feel angry? He was giving me what I wanted. He was being professional so that things didn't become awkward.
"No thanks," I said as I walked into my room and closed the door behind me. I let out a sigh as I leaned against the door.
I was going to make it complicated. I was going to make sure I made his life miserable. I was going to make sure he felt the same hurt I was experiencing, and only then would I be able to move on. Letting out a deep breath did nothing to diminish the ache in my chest. I hated feeling so vulnerable—and it was all his fault.
I'd never cared for a guy the way I'd cared for Matthew, so even I knew getting over him wasn't going to be easy, but I was very determined.
Closing my eyes, I couldn't stop the memory of the first time I had met him replaying in my mind—when I had spotted him across the cafeteria. Every moment I replayed I had to relive knowing the truth. Shoving the memory away, I let out a sigh. Knowing he'd deceived me marred every memory of him. Nothing would ever be the same again and I mourned the loss of what we'd had.
I felt like a fool and it wasn't a feeling I liked at all. I closed my eyes and tried to suppress any more memories of him. It hurt too much to relive those moments knowing about his lies. If I went through my memories I would scrutinize every word and action of his to see if I should have realized the truth sooner.
That's when it dawned on me. The reason he was so secretive about his phone calls, taking them only when he was in another room so I couldn't hear what was being said. I'd been played for a fool, and that only made me angrier. It was too much to think about.
I pushed off my bedroom door. Looking around my room there were so many things that reminded me of him. The truth was I'd never felt this gut-wrenching pain before and I had no idea how to cope with it. I'd seen my friends experience heartbreak over and over again and up until this point I hadn't been able to understand it. I'd thought they were being overdramatic when they had wanted to curl up and cry. I now understood the debilitating pain.
While my friends had been falling in love and dating, I'd gone from one guy to another, seeking physical satisfaction and nothing more. I'd never formed an attachment to the guys I'd been with and I had liked it that way. It still blew my mind that when girls enjoyed sex like guys did we were given mean names, but guys weren't. I liked sex but for whatever reason any guy I'd been with hadn't stirred anything more.
