Page 17 of Breaking Matt
One monthlater
I gazed at his sleeping form beside me. Watching his chest rise and fall with each breath was hypnotic and comforting.
The last four weeks had been a whirlwind. When I thought back to our first night together, I smiled. It had been amazing. And the sex had only gotten better.
I lay on my side with my head propped up by my hand as I reached out and trailed my fingers down the side of his face. He smiled in his sleep, which gave me a warm feeling that started in my chest and spread outward. I retracted my hand from Matthew slowly so I wouldn't wake him.
He had fit into my life like the missing piece of a puzzle. I was in unchartered territory with him. It had started off with an attraction that was stronger than anything I had ever experienced, but now I had to admit whatever we had going on between us had become more than just a physical thing. There was a moment of unsettled nervousness in my stomach at that thought. I didn't like feeling vulnerable to someone else. Logic and reasoning dictated I walk away. It was too late to escape unscathed, but it would hurt a lot more if I stayed.
Matthew had made his presence in my life known to Ryan, who after a week had stopped trying to talk to me altogether. I was relieved he had finally moved on and started dating a girl named Summer.
Matthew also knew exactly what to do to set me alight with one kiss. In the bedroom we were so good together—none of my previous lovers compared. He was perfect. I knew it wasn't possible. There had to be something wrong with him and I kept waiting to discover what it was.
I had been with enough guys to know it was only a matter of time before you discovered something wrong with them. There was that part of me waiting for Matthew to fuck it up. It was a pessimistic approach, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to enjoy all the time I had with him before it came to an end, which was inevitable.
Feeling restless because of my thoughts, I slipped from the bed, reaching for Matthew's shirt and pulling it on. I gave Matthew, who was sleeping on his stomach with the sheets covering him up to his waist, one last glance. Just the sight of him was enough to make me want him again. He was like a drug—I couldn't get enough of him. I pushed myself to leave before I got back in bed and woke him up with the softness of my mouth trailing against his body. I couldn't solve everything with this physical closeness. It made it impossible to form a rational thought.
In the kitchen I made some coffee. While I drank it I looked out the window, trying to make sense of how I felt about Matthew. It had only been a month but it had felt so much longer. I sipped my drink.
I heard soft footsteps. Warm hands settled on my shoulders and he pressed a kiss to the side of my cheek. My chest felt like it had been shaken about when he slid his hands down my arms and enfolded me in a soft embrace. He had that way of tilting my world with just his presence.
"Why didn't you wake me?" he said softly. I leaned back into him, savoring him and how he made me feel.
"You were sleeping so peacefully." I didn't reveal I'd been watching like some besotted teenage girl. It was bad enough I was wrestling with the fact I cared more about him than I ever had for any other guy. There was no way I was going to reveal to him how I felt. I didn't like the fact that he held so much power over me.
Admitting my feelings would be giving him insight to the vulnerability he held in his hands. Somehow, without my even being aware of it, the power in the relationship had shifted to him.
He gave me one more peck on the cheek before he walked over to the kettle and switched it on. He was bare-chested and wearing only jeans. The sight of his cut six-pack was enough for me to feel heat in my veins. I watched him lean against the counter with his eyes fixed on me.
"You okay?" he asked, obviously picking up something in my gaze.
I made myself smile. "Yeah, of course I am."
He didn't seem to be convinced because he continued to silently study me.
The start of a phone ringing pulled his attention away from me.
"I've got to get that." He disappeared out of the kitchen.
I slid off the chair and followed quietly behind him. At the door I stopped, listening as he answered the call.
"Yeah," I heard him say.
He was always so secretive when he was on his phone. It made me uncomfortable; it was like he was hiding something from me. Was he cheating on me with someone else? It had crossed my mind more times than I liked to admit. I hadn't confronted him about it. I didn't want to come across as some insecure girl. Besides, I had no proof.
Despite my attempt to eavesdrop further, I couldn't make out the rest of the conversation. Feeling frustrated, I went to finish my coffee. He returned a few minutes later.
"Who was that?" I asked conversationally as he made his coffee.
"My mom," he said without hesitation. "She wanted to check up on me."
I bit my lip as I considered his answer. Had it just been an innocent phone call from his mother like he said? Was it my fear of my own feelings that was making me blow all this out of proportion? But my gut instinct disagreed. He always went into another room to talk on the phone. People who had nothing to hide didn't do that.
He sat down across from me before he reached out and took my hand into his. My skin tingled as the warmth of his hand enclosed mine. Just with a touch I felt the flutter of excitement despite my suspicions. It was as if the way I felt superseded any thoughts of betrayal.
He lifted my hand to press a kiss to it. My heart did a weird jump in my chest and it took every ounce of control I had not to reveal how he was affecting me.
"So what are you doing today?" he asked.
