Page 53 of Rock Star

“Way to go, Mom!”

Dad looped his arms around her. “So proud of you, Cora.” He kissed her on the lips.

We sat down to eat, the three of us, and I watched them interacting with each other. Sure, they’d had their problems, but they’d overcome them through love.

Did Axel love me enough to stay clean?

And, did I love him enough to take on all his brokenness? For that was what he was, I realized.

A broken rock star.

Questions bounced around in my head the entire meal… I had no clue what I was gonna do.

I was able to forgive Mom without a second thought after hearing how she’d hurt Dad and possibly risked splitting the family. If I could forgive Mom because of love, why couldn’t I forgive Axel?

“Cat got your tongue?” Dad asked me, raising a brow.

“Just tired,” I answered, taking my plate to the sink.

“Let me do the dishes,” Mom interjected. “I’m tired of being treated like an invalid.”

Dad’s face broke into a smile of such happiness it freaking killed me.

I hugged them both and wished them good night, and then, with heavy steps I went to my room.25You say you hate

Walking on cracks in sidewalks

You say you hate

Lightning bolts and thunder

But I’ll be your harbor in the storm

I’ll prove to you I can reform

I say that I love you.

You say you love

Cold weather and vermillion sunsets

Making out under a duvet

You say you love

Warm milk laced with brandy

Spanish churches and French honey

You say you don’t love me.

But I’ll be your harbor in the storm

I’ll prove to you I can reform

I say that I love you.

I wanna be the crack in your sidewalk

Tread on me, tread on me, tread on me.

Baby, I’m sorry

So. Fucking. Sorry.

I’ll be your harbor in the storm

I’ll prove to you I can reform

I say that I love you.I put down my acoustic guitar and scrubbed a hand over my face. The song was a work in progress and I’d changed the words so many times I’d lost count. With a heavy sigh, I picked up my cell phone and tried Firebird’s number.

Pick up, baby.

Straight to fucking voice mail as usual.

“Hey, it’s me. But I guess you know that,” I spoke into the phone. “We got back from the Bahamas yesterday. I missed you so much. Everything felt wrong without you.” So. Fucking. Wrong. “How are you?” Are you missing me? “How’s your mum doing? Hope all is well…”

Was she listening?

The wall of silence from the other end was deafening, and a lump of pain formed in my throat.

I disconnected and shoved the phone in my pocket, left the music room and went down to my basement gym. The entire time I worked out I thought about Phoenix. Her absence from my life was killing me… there was a huge Phoenix-shaped hole in my heart.

I missed the taste of her.

I missed the feel of her.

But most of all, I missed just being with her.

How could I have screwed up what we had for that stupid hit?

I shuddered out a breath. I’d gone through the motions of the band’s down time in the Bahamas without her. The villa Jake rented for us had been super deluxe. I’d spent the days on autopilot, swimming in the twenty-five-meter lap pool, going big game fishing with the guys and snorkeling in the ocean on my own. Firebird would have loved the place, and I’d felt guilty she was having to suffer her mum’s hospitalization and treatment when I wallowed in luxury.

It hadn’t all been fun and games, though. The guys and I had jammed together, working through ideas for the next album and embellishing the songs I’d demoed for them with Firebird.

And Jake had arranged for our drugs counsellor to join us. We’d undergone intensive therapy sessions—both group and individual—but, as far as I was concerned, Phoenix’s reaction to my slip-up had been deterrent enough.

I loved her so fucking much… I’d do everything I could to convince her that I’d stay clean for the rest of my life.

Why wouldn’t she hear me out?

Maybe she’d stopped loving me after what I’d done?

I needed to find out.

I took a shower, changed into jeans and an Armani t-shirt, then called Mike. “Can you please bring the car around? I’d like you to take me to Phoenix’s apartment.”

“Sure thing, boss.” I heard the smile in his voice.

I grabbed my front door keys, set the alarm, and stepped outside.Firebird had told me she and her parents lived in a crappy condo and she hadn’t been lying. There was a seedy strip club on the ground floor and I had to climb two flights of stairs to get to the Johnsons’ apartment after Mike had dropped me off… stairs which must be a struggle for her mum. There was no security here, not even an entry phone. I curled my lip, resolving to move them into a nicer place asap.

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