Page 49 of Rock Star

Fuck.

Her face was a picture of misery.

She knew.

She fucking knew.

Bloody Jake must have told her.

“I’m so sorry,” I said on a long exhale, my forehead creasing. “I fell off the wagon…”

She made a noise in her throat, half-way between a sob and a groan, and the sound panged in my gut. “You promised you were clean, and I believed you,” she cried out.

I waved Mike off and went up to her.

She took a step back.

“I didn’t lie,” I muttered, defensive. “Today was the first time since I went into rehab.”

“Why?” Her voice had gone quiet.

“I was feeling depressed.” I drew my brows together. “Had to give that damned interview then perform when all I wanted to do was flip everyone the bird.” I stepped forward and placed my hand on her arm.

She shook my hand off. “I’m disappointed in you Axel.”

“Goddammit, Firebird. I’m only human. In any case, it won’t happen again so it’s no big deal.” I deliberately softened my expression. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, baby.”

“Huh,” she huffed. “Don’t patronize me. We both know that you’re an addict. Jake and Mike were keeping drugs away from you the entire tour. All it took was availability when you were feeling low and you gave in.”

“I’m not addicted. Before, when I used to indulge, my septum never burned through, so I wasn’t such a heavy user.” I set my jaw. “I had it under control then and I’ll keep it under control now.”

“You went into fucking rehab.” Her eyes had welled with tears. “And you’ve just admitted to me that you’re intending to use again.”

She was fucking killing me.

Making me feel like a total shit.

“It was a slip of the tongue. I meant I’d already kept it under control.” I held up my hands. “I swear to you I won’t do it again. It was just a one-off.”

She knuckled the tears from her eyes. “I know things are bad for you at the moment. Dealing with your dad. Wanting closure for Ella. All the pressure of touring. But you don’t need the crutch of drugs. They just make you worse.”

“Ha, I’ve listened to The Verve too.” I reached for her hand and this time she let me take it. “I need your help, baby. I need you.”

We were standing toe to toe. She opened her mouth, seeming about to say something, then closed it again.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated like it was a mantra.

I wanted to crush her to me and kiss her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react. Instead, I stared down at her and she stared up at me, her green eyes bruised with hurt.

Pain pierced my belly.

How could I have been such a fucking wanker?

There was no excuse for what I’d done.

Firebird had the worry of her mum’s cancer and she never complained.

She was strong and capable and I loved her for it.

I was about to tell her so, but the tent flap opened and Jake came in. “Helicopter to the airport is here,” he grunted. “As soon as we’ve taken off from Bristol, I want to call a band meeting.” His mouth twisted. “Set some things straight.”

“I’ll go change into my travelling clothes,” Phoenix said, smoothing down her sparkly black dress.

She shot me a look of pure disdain, then turned on her heel.

I gazed after her, my breath raw in my throat.23We left the UK in the early hours, heading for a refuel at JFK before flying on to LAX.

I sat next to Jake, occasionally stealing glances at Firebird, who was resolutely ignoring me. She’d hung out with Hayley at the airport before we departed … usually she would hang out with me. My shoulders curled forward… I was so remorseful it felt like a knife twisting in my chest.

“Time for the band meeting,” Jake announced once we’d reached cruising height and the seatbelt signs had been switched off.

A curtain divided us from the rest of the entourage. He got out of his seat and stood in the aisle like a flight attendant. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” He clapped his hands. “I had a talk with Camila after the show in Glastonbury and she has something to share with you all.”

He stepped back and she went to stand in front of him.

I wrinkled my brow. What was going on?

Camila cleared her throat. “I should have told you months ago.” She closed her eyes and took a sharp breath. “Ella and I were in a relationship.” Her voice caught on a sob.

A sudden mist of blinding rage obscured my vision. “Dafuq?!” Spit flew out of my mouth.

I leapt out of my seat with a snarl.

Jake jumped in front of Camila and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Listen to what she has to say…”

I pushed at his chest, but he grabbed my arms and walked me backward to my seat. I heard Firebird gasp and, for her sake, I decided not to fight back. “Okay,” I growled. “If you’ve got something to say then say it, Camila.”

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