Page 42 of Fated
"You were amazing," he murmured against my ear as he rested his head against my shoulder.
"You lived up to your reputation," I told him. I felt him stiffen and he pulled up slightly to look at me.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, looking serious.
"What are you sorry about? That was great sex," I said, touching his cheek with my hand. Then I stopped myself. Loving someone wasn't something I was willing to do ever again. The pain I felt at the loss of my mother reminded me of the risk of letting someone close.
"I'm sorry about all the girls before you," he admitted, looking so guilty I wanted to ease it.
"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you’re experienced. There is nothing worse than a guy who has no idea what to do," I said, brushing it off. I'd slept with a guy who had been a virgin and it hadn't been a good experience.
He looked at me for a few moments like he was trying to figure me out.
Our connection meant that I had intense feelings for him and I cared about him, but it was within my power to smother the love that would grow for him. Keeping a clear head and emotion out of it, I would become a good leader. I knew that I would never be the cruel leader my father had been but being able to make decisions without emotions clouding my mind would make me a better leader. Both times Richard had attacked me I'd made stupid decisions based on emotions that had clouded my judgment. Becoming the leader I was meant to be was the most important thing for me.
Just because I fulfilled the mating with Blake didn't mean I thought we would become what we were meant to. I was using it like a step to get what I wanted. I would never be the monster my father had been, but I would be a tough leader that no pack members would think about betraying. I didn't need a man to save me. I would ensure I could save myself. No more vulnerability. I felt myself harden against the emotions that wanted to spill over inside of me. Blake kissed me and I kissed him back. He looked at me with the love starting to take hold in his heart, but I looked back at him with nothing.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Keri
I was lying in my bed, studying the ceiling above and trying not to allow the emotions I was trying suppress break free. My gaze moved to my sleeping mate beside me.
After we’d consummated our fate, we’d showered together. I’d spent so much of my life alone that it was strange having him around to the extent he was. Every touch made me want more of him but I tried my best to keep him at arm’s length.
Curtis had organized food to be brought to us. He knew I wasn’t ready to face the pack yet. I needed a little time to get myself together.
Watching Blake, I wanted to reach out and touch him. Touching my other half made me calm but it pulled a rush of emotion from my heart that I didn’t want to feel or at least wasn't ready to.
The need to touch him was too much to fight so I let my fingertips caress his cheek. The chaos of thoughts and feelings calmed. Complete was how I felt each time we touched, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Then when I felt the strong emotion of love begin to push through me, I snatched my hand away like I’d just been burned. I was breathing hard as I watched him remain peacefully asleep, my hand pressed to my chest.
It was early morning and I doubted many would be up but I couldn’t stay where I was. The need to touch and love him was too strong. Quietly, I got out of the bed, making sure not to wake Blake. I got my clothes together and got dressed in the bathroom.
Today was going to be a busy day. I would have to make the necessary plans to bury my mom. Just the thought made my heart squeeze and I felt the sting of tears. Thinking about her made me feel raw inside, like a wound that would never heal.
It was still hard to believe she was actually gone. The reality would sink in over the coming days and it would be harder to suppress the grief.
Any arrangements for her burial had to be done before I started my change. I knew it was going to be painful and once it started I would be in agony. I wanted to say that I wasn’t scared but I would be lying. I had to concentrate on the end result rather than the pain that it would take to get there. Once I could shift into my wolf, I would be able to step up and become the leader I was meant to be.
I gave Blake one last lingering look before I left my room. Even as hard as I was trying to stop myself from feeling anything for him, I didn’t want to leave him.
My first stop was the gym. It was quiet. It was so early it was still dark. I began to train and felt better when my mind shifted from the emotional turmoil inside of me to the burn of my muscles.
“You’re up early, Cinderella,” a voice behind me said, jolting me out of focus.
Breathing hard and trying to calm my heart down, I turned to face Kyle. I hated that damn nickname.
“Geez, you scared me,” I said while trying to catch my breath.
“You should always be aware of your surroundings, especially with Richard still lurking around,” he lectured me as he crossed his arms over his chest, pinning me with a frown.
He was right but I rolled my eyes at him.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” he said softly, and I hated how the pain in my chest reminded me of the loss I’d suffered.
I didn’t reply. Instead, I pressed my lips together and gave him a brief nod. A few moments of silence stretched into a minute.
“So, you all loved-up now?” he asked, studying me carefully.
