Page 26 of Surviving Slater
"Every time he touches you, you will think of me."
I wanted to argue that I wouldn't, but it would be another lie.
"Every time he kisses you, you will wish he was me."
I swallowed hard, struggling to keep my emotions in check.
"But when it's done, and you realize you've made a mistake, don't think about coming to look for me." He paused for a moment. "I don't want his seconds."
It was like a physical slap in the face—painful, with a sting. He gave me a long, last stare before he strode away, leaving me unsettled as I watched him.
It took me a few minutes before I went back to my table. The rest of my date was spent listening to Steven with one ear while my eyes drifted back to Slater and his date. I hated how he looked at her, the way his fingers caressed her arm. I hated the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him like she knew how their date was going to end.
There was no stopping the images of the two of them wrapped up in each other in the throes of passion, his tattooed arm wrapped around her waist. I squeezed my eyes shut momentarily, hating the sharp pain in my heart.
"Jordan?"
I looked back at Steven, who was looking at me expectantly. I had been too wrapped up in my thoughts to listen to what he had been saying.
"You okay?" he asked, looking at me with a little concern.
"Yes," I told him, trying to hide my fluster at being caught off guard. "Sorry, it's hard to keep my mind from my schoolwork."
He reached out and covered my hand with his. Before, I'd wanted his touch, but now it just irritated me and I wanted to pull my hand from his. But I didn't want Slater to see. I wanted him to believe I was going to seal the deal with Steven. In my mind I was still trying to convince myself I was going to go through with it.
"I could help you relax."
The way he smiled at me left no doubt at how he wanted to accomplish that. I wanted to feel the same way but I didn't. But there was no way I was going to let Slater see that.
I smiled seductively at him, putting on a show for whoever was watching.
"Are you ready to leave?" he asked, and I nodded. He got the bill and paid.
As I got my jacket and shrugged it on, I sent one last look in the direction of Slater and his date. My eyes met his. This time he wasn't smiling. His date was looking at him like she was ready to eat him.
Remembering the feeling when he had rejected me pushed me forward, one step in front of the other, and I left the restaurant while holding Steven's hand.
But no matter how badly my mind wanted to go through with it, my body rejected the idea. So I talked him into stopping for ice cream. He continued to flirt with me, but it wasn't enough to change my mind.
By the time we made it back to the apartment, I knew I couldn't go through with it. Still seated in the passenger seat of his car, I turned to face him.
"I like you…" I began.
"But…" he prompted.
I tried to remember he was a player who usually moved from one girl to another. It wasn't like this would hurt him in any way.
"But…I can't."
He studied me for a moment.
"I really like you," he said, surprising me. "I know I have a reputation but it wasn't like that with you."
It made me feel worse. But at least I was letting him down now and not later. I couldn't make myself feel something for him.
I wondered whether I would ever be able to break the hold Slater seemed to have over me. When he was around, everyone else faded into the background. I had no control over it and it frightened me but I still wanted to believe I could fight it.
"I'm sorry," I said, not sure what else there was to say.
