Page 119 of Surviving Slater
"What do you want me to say?" he said, and there was a hard edge to his words despite the vulnerability in his eyes. "That it hurts? But you know that already."
His controlled response scared me more. He walked over to the window and kept his back to me. If his body language was anything to go by, it felt like he was shutting me out and I only had myself to blame.
"How would you feel if I went and kissed some girl?" He let out an emotional breath and rubbed the back of his neck.
It struck me like a physical slap to my face. I felt so much worse because I knew how much it would hurt me. I was losing him. The panic rose up in me and I stood up.
"Slater," I said, hoping it would be enough for him to turn around and face me.
He rolled his shoulders before he turned to face me. His eyes were fierce and angry.
"I won't be played," he said. "No more games."
It was decision time. I could feel it in my bones. I was scared with both scenarios that could play out. I was frightened to try and make things work with him but I felt that same feeling when I thought about walking away from him.
"You're trying to push me away. I can see it for what it is."
I swallowed while his eyes kept mine locked in a stare. He didn't look like he was going to walk away; this time he faced me with a determined look that told me he was staying to fight for me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
"You're scared," he said, and I felt like he was seeing deep inside me—way beyond what anyone else could see. He stepped forward and his hands touched the sides of my face. I couldn't answer him, my throat was too tight. "But you don't need to be."
I frowned. The feelings of betrayal and rejection assaulted me. He had shut me out way too many times.
"You once walked away when you were faced with my emotional baggage," I reminded him. Everyone had stuff from their past that affected their lives, some worse than others. "You didn't want the responsibility of knowing my darkest secrets."
My hurt renewed.
"I didn't handle it well at all," he said, letting out an emotional breath. "The truth was I was scared like you're scared now. I know what you're going through but you can't keep doing this. It's time to be honest with yourself and accept how you feel about me."
I hesitated, trying to find the courage to take the step I needed to. What he was asking was much harder to put into action. It was like taking a step into the darkness, not sure of whether there would be a path to walk on or if I'd fall into nothingness that would consume me. I didn't think I could withstand another rejection from him.
"If I let myself love you, it will devastate me if we don't make it." I was laying out my deepest fears.
"No more games, just the truth. And we take it one day at a time."
"What if it's too late already?" I asked in a whisper. What if we were prolonging the inevitable parting of ways? What if we couldn't fix what we had broken?
"It isn't." He refused to even entertain the idea. "I didn't run tonight and I won't."
He was right. Tonight he had stayed and dealt with me when I had been an emotional mess. Actions spoke louder than any words.
His eyes were hypnotic and I couldn't pull my gaze from his. His eyes flickered to my lips before they lifted to meet mine again. I licked my lips, my throat suddenly feeling dry.
"Can you be honest with yourself and how you feel about me?" It was time to decide.
I swallowed hard. He hadn't run tonight and that had given me a glimmer of hope that he would be there for me when I needed him. It was something I hadn't had before.
I nodded.
His eyes held mine, intense and dark. "Can you trust me?"
"Yes." My answer was hoarse with the love I felt for him.
His one hand found mine and he pulled me to him. My hand went to his waist as his lips lowered to mine. I reached up to meet his kiss. It felt so good to have his mouth against mine. His arms encircled my waist, bringing me closer to him.
My mouth opened and he growled as he explored it with the caress of his tongue against mine. It felt so right. For so long I had been fighting it and my feelings for him. And now I could embrace those emotions.
