Page 102 of Surviving Slater
I dropped my eyes to the floor. It was easier than looking at him and feeling that awareness I experienced around him. It only made me feel worse.
"What do you want?" I said.
"I tell you I need time, and you disappear?" he said angrily. His tone surprised me. My eyes shot up to meet his.
He was angry with me. He walked out on me and here he was playing the victim? I rose up and folded my arms.
"You told me you couldn't deal with this and you told me you needed space," I reminded him. Despite my anger, my voice was hoarse with my hurt. "I didn't walk out, you did."
His jaw tensed. "I didn't expect to come back and find you gone. No one knew where you were."
I shrugged. "I didn't have to explain myself to you. I opened up to you and you stomped all over me. I waited four days!"
"You just took me by surprise," he said. His eyes softened and his shoulders slumped.
I gripped my waist as I held his gaze, refusing to allow him to see how much I was still aching inside.
"Being loved isn't something I'm good at," he admitted, and I frowned.
"That's the thing, you didn't have to do anything. Just being you is enough. Don't you get it?" I asked, feeling my temper rise.
He rubbed his chin, looking at a loss for words.
"I love you for you. The way you smile at me, the sound of your voice, the way you like to eat cereal all hours of the night, the way you look at me and make me feel like I'm the only one who matters. It isn't just one thing, it's all of you that makes me feel this way." I let out a shaky and emotional breath, dropping my hands to my sides as I fisted them. "I didn't expect you to feel the same way, I wasn't expecting any declarations of love. But I didn't expect you to run."
His intense eyes held mine even though I wanted to be able to look away from him.
"Just staying would have been enough." I swallowed my building emotions, feeling the renewal of my heartache.
"I hurt the people who love me." I knew he was specifically referring to his sister. He ran a hand through his hair.
"I don't think that's it," I said, shaking my head at him. I took a step toward him but he stood his ground. "I think you're too scared to get close to people for fear of losing them."
He opened his mouth to say something before closing it again. I had hit the nail on the head.
"I'm sorry I hurt you."
I shrugged.
"So why are you here?" I asked, hoping to push him to leave so I could lick my wounds. "If you want me to say it's okay and I don't hate you, you have it." I swallowed my emotion. "You can carry on and you don't have to feel guilty. I knew when I met you that you weren't capable of this, but I wanted to believe I could change that. It was my fault, not yours."
He remained quiet as he mulled over my words.
"You're right, I shouldn't have left without telling someone where I was going." I was so wrapped up in my heartbreak, it was hard to consider the people around me.
"You can leave now," I told him, feeling hurt and defeated at the same time. The ache in my chest felt worse than before.
He straightened up and rolled his shoulders. I expected him to leave but he didn't.
"No," he said, and I crossed my arms.
I wanted him to leave so I could cry and fall apart before finding a way to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
"I'm not leaving." I frowned.
"I care for you, more than I have for any girl." I closed my eyes briefly when I felt a wave of pain. "And I don't know if I'll ever be able to love you."
I opened my eyes, and he stepped closer.
