Page 50 of Surviving Slater
"Jordan," he said, "if you don't, I will break the door down."
I bit my lip as I contemplated his threat. He would do it. I could tell from the tone in his voice he wasn't playing around. Worried about the damage he would do and how I would have to explain it to Connor made me slip out of my bed and I padded over to the door. It clicked as I opened it.
I kept the door slightly ajar, hoping just the sight of me would be enough to reassure him I was okay despite his concern. His eyes scanned mine.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. I swallowed hard. My eyes were still red and puffy. He would be able to tell I had been crying.
"I don't want to talk about it," I told him, holding his searching gaze.
He contemplated my words for a minute. "Do you want me to call Taylor?"
I swallowed again, trying to keep my emotions tightly under control. I shook my head.
"You have to talk to someone. If you don't want to talk to me at least let me call Taylor," he suggested. Even understanding his concern, I felt angry he wouldn't just leave me to cope with this on my own, in my own way.
"Please just leave me alone," I murmured, the emotions I was struggling with creeping into my voice and making it huskier than usual.
"I can't," he murmured, indecision clear in his features. He ran a hand through his hair. "What happened?"
I pressed my lips together, refusing to tell him.
"You were fine last night before Slater came over…" he said, trying to figure out what had happened to cause this. His eyes shot to mine. "Did Slater do something to you?"
"No," I assured him, shaking my head. The only thing Slater had inadvertently done was to open up the issues I had been keeping under tight control for so long.
"Talk to me," he suggested. "Let me help you."
I gave him a weak smile. It was so like him to want to glue the pieces back into place, but it wasn't that easy.
"You can't," I whispered, feeling more raw and emotional. "I just need space."
"Fine," he finally relented. "I'll give you today but if you're not out by tomorrow I'm calling Taylor."
I nodded and closed the door before he had a chance to change his mind. Leaning against the door, I inhaled sharply and exhaled. My bed beckoned like a safe haven, somewhere I could hide from the world.
Flashes of my memories stopped me as I approached my bed. The sheets from my memories were the same white as the ones I reached out to touch. In my memory I could feel them against my skin. My lungs hurt as I tried to inhale again. More images came flooding back. I could smell the aftershave that hung in the air, I could feel the touch of his hand on my leg. I backed away from the bed like they held the memories I was experiencing. I only stopped when my back came into contact with the wall and then I slid down it. Keeping my knees tight against my body, I leaned my head down on my knees as I whimpered.
But nothing was going to stop the images that flooded my mind like a tidal wave, swamping over me and drowning me in despair.
"Baby," he whispered to me. The sound of his voice sent a shudder through me. I knew what was to come.
Pulling myself into a tight ball, I didn't feel like the grown woman I was; instead, I was transported back in time to when I was a girl. When I was confused and afraid.
One after one I relived every memory of it before it finally ended with me lying on the floor, looking unseeing across the room.
Aknock pulledmy attention back to the present.
"You want something to eat?" Matthew asked.
I knew if I didn't answer he would force his way into my room and I couldn't let him find me like this. The only thing worse than going through what I had was someone finding out about it.
"No thanks," I managed to say, keeping my voice as light as I could. If he became suspicious he would not leave me alone.
The sound of his footsteps gave me relief. My phone started to ring again. Worried the constant ringing would bring Matthew back, I got up off the floor and grabbed my phone from my beside table.
It was Slater. I sat down on my bed and stared at the caller ID as I turned the ringtone volume down.
Why is he calling?I asked myself. He was probably worried after what happened last night and wanted to check on me. But our arrangement didn't include this. It was just about a physical need of two people and the satisfaction of that need. Nothing more.
