Page 34 of Surviving Slater
He undid his jeans and dropped them to the floor before he knelt beside me on the bed. The rest of our items of clothing came off in heated kisses. He stopped long enough to roll on protection before settling his body over mine, his hips matched to mine. Our bodies perfectly lined up.
My legs wrapped around him, needing him to join us together. My arms slid around his neck as he kissed me.
"Please," broke from my lips. I hated that I felt so out of control with him. Then there was that familiar fear that gripped me from the inside. It made me retreat just as my body began to tremble.
My breathing hitched as he slid into me. My legs tightened around him, needing more.
Our bodies beading sweat, we moved together with only one goal in mind: a physical release.
I gasped and groaned at every thrust. Inside, the darkness beckoned me, offering me safety from the shame I began to feel intermingled with the need for an orgasm. I squeezed my eyes closed as my breath echoed in my ears. Slowly I lost touch with the reality of what was happening around me. I couldn't feel his touch or kisses. In a place no one could find me, I was safe. My body tightened just before I came. His pace quickened, harder, before he stilled and groaned as he released into me.
For a moment I held him, feeling empty inside.
Chapter Nine
Ilay in my bed, feeling emotionally raw. Still breathing hard, I glanced at Slater beside me in my bed, still trying to catch his breath, when the panic started to set in. It wasn't the emotional meltdown I had experienced the previous time but it still made my heart stutter. I clasped the sheet to my chest, feeling vulnerable at being naked beside Slater.
He shifted slightly onto his side to look at me. His gaze on me made me feel open to him despite the thin cotton sheet that covered me. The color of his eyes was lighter than usual. The darkness was gone. I unclasped the sheets, trying to hide my true emotions.
Most guys I had slept with had been too concerned about their own physical gratification to notice my detachment.
This was just sex, I told myself.Get a grip. Don't make a big deal out of it.
The last thing I wanted was for him to see how much he'd affected me. If he really knew what I was feeling he would run and never look back.
"That was amazing," he said with a husky voice as his eyes caught mine.
"It was great," I said, trying to figure what I was going to say next as I bit down on my lip.
The bed dipped slightly as he climbed out. I watched as he disappeared into the bathroom. The sight of his male body with defined muscles made it hard to concentrate on anything else but him. I had a momentary reprieve from my emotions to just feel the physical awareness of him. The array of tattoos that swirled against his skin to make up his tattoo sleeve was one of the hottest things I'd ever seen.
I rubbed my eyebrow slightly, trying to think past the lust he pulled from me. It was hard to concentrate on anything when he was around.
A few moments later he returned. I expected him to get dressed and leave but instead he got back in bed, beside me. He pulled the sheet over him as he lay facing me on his side, but I wasn't prepared for this intimacy. It was finished and I needed distance from him. I could tell him I wanted him to leave before anyone got home and saw us together. Things had happened and now I didn't know how to be around him.
The brush of his fingers sent tiny shivers through my skin.
"I'm not sure..." I managed to say before he stopped the soft motion of his hand.
"What's wrong, Jordan?" he asked with a slight crease in his forehead.
"It's just, this thing has happened between us and I think it's best you leave..." The intensity of his gaze made me feel nervous as I tried to swallow. "I don't really know how to explain this to someone who might see you here."
He had the ability to make me feel like a nervous virgin who'd just experienced sex for the first time. It was unsettling.
"So what is this thing?" he asked, obviously not in a hurry to leave, which confused me even more.
"I don't know. Sex." I didn't know what was wrong with me. I'd had a one-night stand before but what we had just shared I struggled to fit into that category.
"Yes, it's sex. We are both consenting adults who don't have to justify our actions to anyone." And there was the bad boy in him who didn't care what people thought.
He shifted away from me and got off the bed again. Gloriously naked and uncaring, he pulled his boxers on before finding his jeans under my discarded shirt.
His reaction was unexpected. I pulled the sheet to cover my nakedness as I sat up, watching him pull his shirt over his head.
"I won't play games and I'm not going to tiptoe or hide this." He swept his hand in my direction. "I don't want to be your dirty secret. You're either in it for what it is or you can find someone else to scratch your itch."
He was angry. I frowned. That wasn't the reason I didn't want anyone to find out. As he adjusted his clothes, I felt that familiar vulnerability that I seemed to experience only when he was around. This was about my feelings for him and what that would mean to me if I had to admit to the people closest to me that I had been unable to resist him. The guaranteed heartbreak from one who had already rejected me once before.
