Page 67 of Loving Bad
"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.
There was no way I could tell him what I was thinking. Sin didn't want to hear that I'd just fallen in love with him and that I wanted more than he was ever going to be able to give me.
"Not much." I let the little white lie roll off my tongue.
Sin squeezed me closer for a moment before he moved so he could lay on his side, facing me.
"Thank you for telling me your story," he whispered as he trailed his fingers along my cheek.
"I needed you to understand why I didn't want anyone to find out about it," I explained. "It was bad enough going through what I did but doing it under the watchful eye of the press was traumatic. It didn't just affect me. I put Connor through hell. Not only did he lose both of our parents, he lost me for a while and he fought hard to get me back."
It was the reason why I let him get away with so much when it came to meddling in my life, but I'd drawn the line when it had come to Sin.
"My parents had left us some money, but my brother worked hard to make sure he had the money to send me to the best shrinks and get me the best help money could buy."
It was still hard to talk about that time in my life. Sometimes I wished I could wipe it from my memory, but life didn't work that way.
"When most people had given up, my brother refused to. And then one day about a year after it happened, I started to improve a little. It took a long time, but I recovered."
"Now I understand why your brother is so protective of you."
A few minutes of silence settled between us.
"But at least they caught the guys who murdered your parents," he murmured to me.
It should be a consolation, but it wasn't. Nothing would bring my parents back, although I was glad that I wouldn't have to constantly wonder about the identity of the two guys that had murdered my parents in cold blood.
"Yeah, they both got life sentences without the chance of parole even though they'd argued they'd been high on drugs," I said. He'd probably read about it on the web.
Sometimes I wondered whether if circumstances had been different and if they hadn't been high on drugs my parents would still be alive. I got a physical pain in my chest when I thought about the loss that I would carry for the rest of my life. The pain of the loss eased a little as time went by, but it would never go away.
There would still be so many important days in my life that the loss of my parents would be harder to bear. I squeezed my eyes closed when I thought about my father and the fact that he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle when I got married one day. It was difficult to think about the day when I had children of my own. Two young criminals who'd been high had taken so much from me. Their mistake had cost me, and I'd be paying every day for the rest of my life.
Sin pressed a kiss to my forehead and hugged me tighter.
I allowed myself to lay for a few more moments before I pulled away. I was confused. Before, we'd had an arrangement with clear rules, but now I wasn't sure what this was between us. I could have asked him to clarify what we were now, but I didn't want to be one of those girls trying to put a label on everything. Maybe another reason I didn't ask was because I was too scared of what the answer would be.
"Where are you going?" Sin asked me as he watched me gather up my clothes and start getting ready.
"I have to go," I told him as I pulled my panties on. "Matthew is still waiting downstairs."
"Ah, Matthew. I forgot about him," mumbled Sin as he sat up. I smiled at him as I pulled my shirt over my head.
I wanted to ask him when I would see him again. I so desperately wanted the surety that this wasn't just a one-night thing but I couldn't bring myself to ask the question. Instead I smiled at him as I slipped into my jeans and zipped them up. I didn't want him to think I was desperate so I plastered the fake smile to my face and acted like this was normal. He slipped out of the bed and pulled his jeans on as I shoved my feet into my shoes.
"I'll walk you out," he told me as he opened the door to his bedroom for me.
I felt my heart squeeze at his casual words. This was going to be it. What we'd shared didn't make us anything more than what we'd been before. I couldn't help the hurt I felt as I walked down the stairs with Sin following behind me.
Matthew was sitting watching something on TV when he turned to see me. He switched the TV off as he stood up and walked over to us. Sin was shirtless and I felt myself blush at the realization that it looked like we'd been doing more than talking in his room. Even though Sin knew that Matthew was my bodyguard, he seemed to size him up for a minute. Matthew kept his cool under Sin's intense gaze. Sin broke his gaze away from Matthew and fixed it on me.
"At least I know you'll be safe," he said as he walked me to the door. Matthew opened the door and left us alone as he walked to the car.
"Yes, he is the best my brother could find," I assured him. It was nice to know that Sin cared.
"He’d better be."
I wasn't sure what he meant by that. Did it make Sin worry about me less, knowing that I had one of the best bodyguards money could buy? While standing there nervously and with my insecurities flitting like questions through my mind, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek.
