Page 97 of Loving Bad
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Taylor
I don't know how long I sat there staring at the folder in my hands after Sin left. When my brother had first handed it to me, I never thought it would play such an important part in my life, but here I was, sitting, ready to open it up and read the contents.
"Are you okay?" Matthew asked from my doorway and I looked at him. He looked a little nervous.
"Traitor," I accused. The anger I'd first felt at him for allowing Sin into the apartment evaporated and all I felt was a nervous fear building up inside of me at what was inside of the folder.
"I'm sorry and I know it was underhanded, but he deserved the chance to explain," he said. "I saw how messed up he was when you were missing."
I knew that he would have been upset, but how could I be sure that whatever he was feeling wasn't being driven by guilt? I took a deep breath, not wanting to be reminded of the nightmare I was trying to forget about.
"Did you guys manage to sort it out?" he asked.
"I'm not sure," I replied honestly with a shrug. "He left me with something that I need to read."
Although he looked curious as his eyes dropped to the folder I held, he gave me a nod and he stepped out of my room, closing the door behind him.
I opened the folder and took a deep breath.
My eyes scanned over the first couple of pages. At first there didn't seem to be anything that I hadn't already thought of when I'd first met him. It didn't surprise me that he'd had run-ins with the law. I was beginning to think maybe he'd overreacted and then I found what he'd wanted to hide from me. The reason why he'd left stared at me from the pages I held in my hand.
It didn't surprise me, but it made me understand why he'd been scared. Seeing the details of his rap sheet made me feel bad for what he had to go through. I rubbed my temple, trying to sort through my thoughts. The knowledge brought back the memories of my parents' murder and it was hard to be faced with them so soon after my kidnapping.
All the pieces to the puzzle began to fit together and now I had a clearer picture to look at. Everything began to make more sense. I understood why Sin had been so upset about the folder. It hadn't just been because he felt like I'd violated some sort of trust; he'd been scared of me finding out about his past. With this new information, I understood why Sin didn't feel he was good enough for me. He'd been so convinced that it would change how I felt about him, and it had scared him enough to leave. He knew it would only be a matter of time before I'd find out.
He saw it as something I could have struggled to see past. For the first time since he'd told me that he cared for me, I believed him. I had to take a deep breath to try and gain control of the emotions building up inside of me.
I spent the rest of the day in a daze, unsure of exactly how to handle it. I got a couple of concerned looks from Matthew and Jordan, but I wasn't going to tell anyone.
"I would never have let him in to see you if I thought it would upset you this much," Matthew told me when he cornered me in the kitchen after dinner.
I put my dirty plate in the sink and turned to face him.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said to him. "There is stuff I need to work through."
"Sure," he said, nodding his head, but I could see he felt guilty for helping Sin.
"Don't feel bad, it needs to get sorted out," I told him, trying to relieve his guilt. He gave me a brief nod even though he didn't look entirely convinced.
I disappeared into my bedroom to try and shut out the rest of the world while I tried to figure out what I was going to do.
That night, I didn’t sleep a wink. I tossed and turned, but I never felt the welcome release of sleep.
The next morning when I got up, I decided it was time to talk to Sin. I had classes, but I was going to skip them because there was no way I could concentrate on anything with thoughts of Sin plaguing my mind. I needed to talk to him.
I rubbed my eyes and yawned as I walked into my bathroom to get dressed. Dazed and tired, I got into my clothes and brushed my hair. I didn't bother with makeup to hide my lack of sleep. When I stepped out of my room and walked into the kitchen to get some coffee, Matthew smiled at me and offered me a cup.
"Thanks," I mumbled as I took it and filled it with coffee.
"You look tired," he noted as he studied me.
"I am tired," I admitted. I took a sip of the hot, fragrant liquid.
Matthew didn't ask me any more questions; instead, he stood watching me closely.
