Page 59 of Loving Bad
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Taylor
I moped around the apartment for the rest of the evening. Matthew gave me a couple of concerned looks, but he didn't ask any questions. Maybe it was because he knew I wasn't going to tell him anything.
Later, when Jordan got back, it was clear that I wasn't myself. She asked what was wrong.
"Sin came over to talk and it didn't go well," I'd summarized for her. She didn't need to know the details and I didn't want to talk about how it.
"If you need someone to talk to, you know where I am," she'd offered.
Just after eating I'd gone to my room and closed my door. The emptiness inside of me was hard to deal with. I was sitting on my bed with my head resting in my knees. The whole scene with Sin replayed in my mind. I still couldn't believe my brother had gone to talk to him behind my back. If he hadn't gone to meddle in my personal life, Sin wouldn't have been pushed to search about my past.
It wasn't completely Connor's fault. Sin could have respected my privacy. How we got to this point didn't really matter, what mattered was how I was going to handle it. There was no rewind button. I let out a sigh as I looked up and stared unseeing at the white wall in front of me. It was hard to think about what happened without seeing the blood and the bodies of my parents. I could still remember the smell of death. I closed my eyes for a moment to try and push the horrific images from my mind.
Bringing up the past only dragged me down into an abyss of nothingness that was nearly impossible to escape. The fear that I'd felt that night returned and I began to shake. Most people had fears. Some had fears worse than others. What happened that night had been so much worse than my worst fear.
There was a knock on my door and I got up to open it.
"Your brother wants to talk to you," Matthew said, offering me the phone. After my heated discussion with Sin, I'd turned off my phone because I didn't want to talk to my brother. I was still so angry at him.
I refused to take the phone.
"Tell him I don't want to speak to him," I said with determination as I closed my bedroom door. Matthew had probably told him that Sin had come by and he would know why I was angry with him.
I'd told him countless times that I could make my own decisions. The fact was that he kept trying to undermine the little independence I'd been able to build and I wasn't going to allow it. He'd forced my hand. Shutting him out was going to hurt him, but he'd left me no choice.
That night I woke up screaming, with Matthew trying to calm me down. I'd relived the memory of my parents' death in my dreams. I was shaking, and breathing erratically.
"It's okay," Matthew soothed as he hugged my trembling form.
I leaned against him as I tried to sort through what had been real and what had been a dream. After a few minutes, I calmed down and I pulled away from him.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled as I brushed the remains of my tears from my face. "I bet your job description didn't include this."
He brushed a stray piece of hair out of my face.
"Does this happen often?" he asked as his eyes softened.
"No, not really. It was just a very emotional day," I answered with a shrug. I didn't like the fact that Matthew was seeing me like this. He studied me for a few moments.
"Are you going to be able to sleep?" he asked with concern.
"Yes," I lied as I nodded my head.
"Are you sure? I can make a bed on the floor if it will help," he offered.
"Thanks, but I'll be okay," I assured him.
"Look, I'd feel better if I stayed in your room. I'll just sit here until you go back to sleep," he insisted.
It touched me that he cared and I felt myself nod. He got up and switched off the light as I lay down in my bed and pulled my covers up to my chin. Even though Matthew stayed with me for the rest of the evening, I didn't sleep—although I kept my eyes closed, wishing for it. I heard Matthew leave my room early in the morning. I was exhausted when it was time to get up for classes.
