Page 21 of Choke

My head snapped back as Callum slapped me. “Spit on my cock, bitch. Make it nice and wet.”

I spat on Callum’s dick and stared up at him. He sneered at me before shoving his dick into my mouth again, hitting the back of my throat. I relaxed so I could take him deep.

“Good boy.”

I gripped his pants and yanked them down to grip his ass. Pulling apart his cheeks I rubbed the tip of my index finger over his asshole and pushed in slowly, careful not to go too far.

“Look at you, Atlas. Such an obedient little whore. Your daddy thinks you’re his good little choir boy, but little does he know that you only kneel before one god. I should take a video and send it to him. Show him how you like to pray. That’s it, Atlas. Suck my cock until you receive your fuckin’ holy communion. Daddy would be so proud of how desperate you are for a shot of my cum down your worthless throat.”

My cock surged as Callum spoke about my father’s disapproval, my entire being fueled with insatiable lust. The blasphemous words cleansed me, wiping away the brutality of my father’s sermons and his dysfunctional, twisted views about God and faith.

Yet, even knowing that my father was the monster of this story, I couldn’t help but feel dirty. Disgusting. A demonic beingwrapped in sin. My father had sown the seeds of dysfunction, but I had allowed Callum to water it until my sickness climbed into a twisted vine of poison oak.

I was sure that many facets of my upbringing foreshadowed my fall to my knees, swallowing Callum’s cock with such vigor. There was relief in being in a relationship that was so freeing. With Callum, I could think what I wanted and speak instead of swallowing my words. With Callum, I'd found a peace I’d never known. So it was no shock to me that I’d do anything to maintain my solace.

“That’s it, princess. Take that dick. All the way.” Callum gripped my hair, and my head snapped back as I gazed up at him. “That’s it, baby. Eyes on me while I fuck your useless mouth. I want you looking into the eyes of your god when he gives you his favor. Next time you decide to speak out of turn, I want you to remember how I fucked your mouth into submission and put you in your place, proving that the wrath of God is all-consuming.”

The memories of the past take hold of me. The demons I thought I’d buried rear like the four horsemen riding in a blazing inferno. “Who’s getting mouth is getting fucked into submission now, motherfucker?”

Callum and I have always been harsh when we fuck. Our sex life lacks the tenderness and gentleness that marks the rest of our relationship. Fucking for us has always been hard, fast, and completely unhinged. We have words and cues for when it goes too far or if we want it to stop, but trauma has prevented us from using them. Fucked up, I know. We’ve built our entire relationship on dysfunction, just like our obsession with her.

My hips thrust into his mouth as I roll up his cotton t-shirt, exposing his nipple rings. I grab the hoops and tug, forcing Callum to arch his back.

I pull out of him and watch as spit falls from his mouth, trailing down his chin and hitting the hardwood floor. He looks the way I feel: pathetic. “This is all you’ll ever get from her. She’ll think we’re a twisted sickness that perverted her privacy.”

Callum opens his mouth to speak, but I fill it with my cock and stare at the raven-haired beauty in the shower. I long for her to be here with us, to touch her, to have her hands on my flesh.

Callum and I need her so we can finally be at peace.

16

CALLUM

My hand moves up and down my cock as Atlas thrusts forcefully into my mouth. I’m lightheaded from being upside down, but I don’t care. All I can focus on is the desire to taste him on my tongue. To know that even when he’s fueled with anger, I can make him come undone.

Atlas seems to be under the impression that Mona has replaced him, but she hasn’t. She fills spaces in my soul that he can’t. And it’s not like this is one-sided; he wants her, too. But he’s too scared to admit it. I’m not blind. I see the way he stares at the screen as he fucks my mouth. I bet he’s wishing my mouth was her pussy.

It’s agonizing to doubt your worthiness with your soulmate. Could we forget Mona and live relatively happily? Yes. I would never risk losing Atlas. He’s my constant in a world of turbulence. The problem isn’t happiness; it’s fulfillment. My soul desires them both to be complete.

“Do you think she could ever love you?” Atlas grits between clenched teeth as his hands abuse my swollen nipples.

To the casual observer, his behavior would seem abusive. His actions may be born of anger, but his violent touch holdsa healing component. He needs to take, and I need to give. This is our balance. Some people discuss their problems or seek therapy. Atlas and I like to fuck it out. We have parameters and can make it stop. We aren’t abusive; we’re just a little fucked up.

Atlas pulls out of me, his cerulean eyes glaring down at me. “Answer my question. Do you think she could ever love you?”

His question is a noose tightening around my neck, slowly draining the air from my lungs. “I think no one can love me.”

Atlas abandons my nipples and steps back. His face is ashen. “You think I don’t love you?”

I can’t discern his expression. Shock? Fear? Disgust?

I stand and slowly walk toward him, careful not to spook him with any sudden moves. Atlas, for all his bravado, still hides the broken boy inside him—the boy who only desired goodness and light but was thrust into the darkest evil.

He flinches, and a visible shudder runs through him as I cup his face. I hate the way he recoils from my touch. I never want Atlas to see my touch as anything but healing. Even with the violence of our sex, I need him to know it’s part of the construct of my love for him.

I ignore his struggle to free himself. Holding his head steady, I bring my forehead to his, peering into his crystal blue eyes.

With a rough shove, Atlas sends me stumbling. “The thought of you believing I don’t love you is unbearable. My fuckin’ heart started beating when I met you. You’re the fuckin’ center of my soul. My life ignited when I met you, which is why I’m baffled about being drawn to her.” He shakes his head. “No, that’s not even the part I care about. She doesn’t think about us, Callum. She doesn’t want us. We’re desperate for her, and she’s trying to forget we exist. We aren’t the ones who saved her. We couldn’t even give her that. We had to get help. We were cowards, and to make up for it, we made ourselves demons for her. Shit,you killed a guy last week for what? Not saying sorry when he bumped into her?”

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