Page 90 of Ewan

This is a tricky one…

I’ve always said experiencing danger is the sexual pleasure’s crazy brother, and I was probably right.

It does feel like that sometimes.

It’s not only about sexual pleasure. It’s more of a curiosity. It’s like watching a tall flame quiver in front of you and being tempted to run your fingers through them and see if you hurt.

But that’s only a part of the problem.

Maybe we could deal with it somehow.

But what if the man he’s shown to me is real? What if he is thoughtful, kind, caring, and protective?

What if he’s everything no other man has been to me?

If I had a penny for all the crazy stories my friends and I shared throughout the years about the men in our lives, I’d be a rich woman.

Not to mention the failed marriages.

I finish my croissant and drink my coffee before digging into my yogurt.

What do I do?

Should I text him and wait for him to pick him up?

Or should I just take a cab, hop on the train, and go home alone? It’s not like me to ghost people, and if I did that and he came after me, I might need to offer him an explanation. One that might start with, ‘Are you a mob boss or not?’

What a difficult situation.

The other option would be to let the chips fall where they may and make a decision later. Face life. Maybe that’s my fate. To get banged, or not banged––why was he so particular about not having sex with me, anyway?––by the man who played Santa.

Wouldn’t he just jump my bones and be done with me if he were a mobster?

What if he has a family and a wife?

I’m livid.

Where would they be?

Where could he have all these people in his life?

He’s a textbook loner.

A lone wolf.

Aside from having dinner last night with those people, I can’t imagine him being surrounded by people all day long.

But that might be a 'me' problem.

Me not being able to pick up on clues.

What am I saying? There were no clues. Not those kinds of clues.

Okay.

I’ll let things unfold and pay attention from now on and maybe ask him some questions?

He didn’t even want to tell me his last name.

---