Page 15 of Ewan

Why would he want a family, when his own has been destroyed? Plus, he’s too young to commit himself to something so serious.

“Ezra?”

“It was a play of words,” he says, and I feel him shutting down, so I calibrate my voice and try again.

“You can’t just tell me you are ready to settle down.”

“I’m not,” he says and slides lower and rolls to his side.

He must’ve forgotten it was his injured side so he grimaces again and moves to his back.

“Are the painkillers working?”

“Yes. I’m numb. And I’m getting sleepy now,” he says to push me away, despite how valid his claim is.

I lean closer and touch his arm.

“Listen…” I say in a softer voice. “I don’t want to be hard on you. I know you’re trying some things out. They don’t always work… I get it. But moving from one woman to another won’t get you far in this life. As much as settling down with the first woman you have sex with won’t be the answer you are seeking.”

“You settled down with Mom,” he says, his eyes offering a rare display of emotion.

I draw in a slow, bothered breath.

“Yes, I did. And it was the right thing to do. I don’t regret it. Not for a second. But there’s more to life, as you can see.Bad things can happen and rip away everything you hold dear. Nothing prepares you for that.”

“What are you saying?”

I ponder my answer, trying to avoid something that I might later regret.

“Toughen yourself up, boy. Get ready for anything, good or bad. And then choose the woman that you want. This way you’ll know how to be a real man for her and yourself.”

He narrows his eyes at me, holding a knowing smile, the way he used to when he set me up as a kid.

“Why didn’t you do it?” he asks.

A cold shiver races down my spine.

“Why didn’t I do what?” I murmur, buying some time and leveling with myself, knowing exactly what he is about to say next.

“You’ve seen the worst. If your theory stands, why didn’t you find another woman?” he murmurs, his stare trained on my face to gauge my reaction.

“You want me to replace your mother?” I retort to disconcert him.

“You can’t replace her. She was what she was.”

He pauses before delivering the next blow.

“You’re preaching to me, Father. And while I’m tempted to believe you and give you credit for what you have just said, you, yourself, are not keen to follow your own teachings. Why?”

I take a deep breath, mulling over a good reply.

“See,” he says. “Life is not as clean cut as you think it is. Even though you’re right, things don’t always happen the way we want them to. The same thing happened to me. I didn’t plan for all this. The woman in Colorado lied to me,” he says, and a muscle throbs in his tense jaw. “It hurt,” he adds, and I see the pain in my own flesh and blood. “The woman here is trying to help me. She likes me, and I like her, but I don’t have a thing for her. Idon’t want to hurt her. And I want to be her friend, but she won’t want that from me when she learns the truth. Eventually, I’ll be off to my next destination, and none if this will matter.”

I use the brief pause to give him an answer.

“I didn’t find a woman to replace your mother, nor did I want to,” I say in caustic little drips of painful truth. “I’ve done this once. That part of my life is over. It didn’t end the way I had imagined, but regardless, it is done. I don’t want to revisit it, and I’m fine the way I am.”

“You’re always pissed,” he argues.

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