Page 46 of Learning to Love

He pushes his fingers through his hair and frowns. "You're not going to make this easy, are you?" He grins.

I just raise my eyebrows at him.

He shifts a bit and rubs his palms on his pants. "I don't know how to make grand gestures. I can't make fancy speeches and charm everybody. What I do know is I've been the most miserable I've ever been in my life over the past month, and I need you in my life. You're my North Star. I'm lost at sea without you."

Oh my ... Whatever resolve I have is fading away bit by bit, thawing like an ice cube left in the sun. Yet … “You were hell-bent on going on that year-long journey around the world. What do you really want?” I’m scared it’s going to happen again, and I’ll go through all the pain over and over again with each new race, likeGroundhog Day. It was enough last time, and I’m still not over it.

He smiles. “At home and on the way here I rehearsed everything I would say … I was going to take you out for dinner somewhere private, and I was going to tell you how I’ve felt all this time, how much I love you, and that I know what I want to do … But now I’m here with you, I’m lost for words.” Sam takes my hand again, moves closer to me on the bench, and looks deep into my eyes. “I’ve behaved like an absolute dick. Your job is much more important than mine. You teach kids about numbers, sharks, and … stuff.” Sam looks away and waves a hand towards the east side, where the sea is. “I just make boats go fast and get paid for it. Not on the same level, Ellie. Not by far.”

I reach for him and open my mouth to speak.

His gaze pins me again, before I get a chance to say anything. “I’ve always wanted to do that race, probably since I first heard of it …”

His words leave me breathless, like the air I’m inhaling is made out of shards of glass.

“But it was just another thing to win, to conquer. Winning, that race or any other, won’t bring Thea back.” Sam rubs the back of his head with a thoughtful look. “Not only will it not bring her back, but I’ll lose much more. I’ll still have to be away from time to time, like for the Olympics … But I wantthislife. You, me, Daisy. Walks in the park. A home. I want a chance to make things right.”

In the twilight, the end of a summer breeze gently caresses the trees. It feels like a moment trapped in time—Daisy chasing Monarch butterflies, the sound of the leaves, the scent of Wisteria, and Sam’s full attention on me. There’s a lot at stake.

“What doyouwant, Ellie?”

His soft voice hits a note within me. My heart swells, and I’m ready to cry. I want Sam. I cup his face and lean in for a kiss. Hot tears streak my face as he moves closer still, wraps his arms around me, and sends my senses spinning. I haven’t felt him this close for over four weeks now, and the nearness of him overwhelms me. He smells and tastes like the ocean, and I’m powerless to resist.

We kiss for what feels like forever, rediscovering each other, hands exploring with a lazy urgency. He pulls me onto his lap, and my long dress catches on a loose screw on the bench. Sam sighs in frustration and helps me untangle it, but his hands are shaking so he’s making a hash job of it. I try and fail to contain my laughter of relief.

His gaze is hooded with want. “I missed you.” As he frees my dress, he slips a hand underneath and cups my ass. I gasp at his touch on my bare skin.

“Shh …” He silences me with a kiss. His hand moves to my hip then trails lazily upwards, settling on my thigh. All my senses are on edge, but I want more. I wiggle on his lap, feeling his hardness through the layers of fabric. We’re both wearing too many clothes.

I’m so tightly strung by his touch, I’m practically panting now. “Someone may see us.”

Sam kisses my neck and his hand reaches further between my thighs. “I don’t think so.” His fingers move gently, first over my panties, then full on stroking my clit in a rhythm that makes me slowly lose my mind. I’m about to come hard, so I grasp his shirt and kiss him to stop myself from screaming out loud as I ride the waves of sensation.

I’m sure I have a satisfied smile on my face, and I couldn’t care less. “Now it’s your turn.”

Sam kisses my nose, my cheeks and forehead, then holds me close. “I’mveryuncomfortable, but the others will be wondering where we are. We should head back.” Regret drenches every one of his words.

“How about … you sit down for dinner with everyone—sausage, bread and tomato ketchup …”

Sam laughs. “The food of champions.”

“And then … you stay the night.”

His gray eyes darken again. “Are you sure it’s a good idea? Small house. Tayla and Corinne there as well.” He shrugs his shoulders.

“As long as we’re quiet.” I kiss his jaw.

He laughs wholeheartedly. “I’m quiet. Are you?”

I get up off his lap, straighten my dress and my hair, pick up the lead, and call for Daisy. “My lips are sealed.” A walk back home from the park. Just another ordinary day. But it feels like the beginning of our story.

***

Sam

I’m aching for Ellie. I've never wanted anything or anyone as much as I want her at this moment. You could dangle the Sanders Cup in front of me, and I’d let it fall to the ground if it meant I get to be with Ellie.

What happened in the park was definitely unplanned. I’m thirty-two but around her I’m like a hormonal teenager. As we walk towards her house, it dawns on me that the others will have a field day with this.

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