Page 36 of Learning to Love

“Don’t sweat it. Let’s get a drink.” Corinne is ever practical.

We walk up to the bar, I pick up one of the pear and ginger margarita cocktails on offer, and as I turn to comment on how amazing it looks, I land face to face with Laura. She’s at least a head taller than me, and I’m wearing heels. I can’t feel more intimidated.

“Hey. How’s it going?” Laura asks with an easy smile. She seems open and friendly.

I throw caution to the wind. “Not too bad. What about you? I’m Ellie by the way.”

Laura smiles. “I know who you are.” She says it in a funny cloak and dagger voice, and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I can see from the corner of my eye that Tayla and Corinne are letting out deep breaths they’d been holding in.

“Where is Sam tonight? Tell him I said hi.” I find that a bit strange. Are they friends still?

“He’s away training.”

She turns to leave and mingle.

I stop her in her tracks and tap her on the shoulder. “Hey, before you head off … quick question. Why did you guys break off the engagement?”

She looks at me with a mix of sadness and impatience. “You had to go there, huh.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head, choosing her words carefully. “We shouldn’t have been engaged in the first place. Sam … he’s … different. He’s away a lot. He’s … unavailable. Emotionally. Anyway,good luck.” She clearly means with Sam’s emotional unavailability. “See you around.” She leaves.

Her last words haunt me like the unfriendliest of ghosts. I walk back to Tayla and Corinne, and they can tell something’s wrong.

“Do I need to follow the bitch into the bathroom and give her a piece of my mind? What did she say to you?” Tayla’s always got my back.

“Nah, she was friendly. I was just dumb enough to ask why she and Sam broke up. Messed up.” The girls hug me wordlessly, and as we leave and make our way back to Tayla and Corinne’s through the rain, the feeling of inadequacy strangles me. I can’t breathe, but it won’t let go.

***

Sam

It's absolutely pissing down with rain, and it's taking so much longer to get home. Traffic is crawling from Whangarei southbound. A journey that usually takes four hours has taken six and counting. We're not even in sight of the Harbor Bridge yet.

On one hand, I'm excited to go beyond the bridge, home into Bella Vista, and see Ellie when she comes home from work. On the other hand, I'm absolutely dreading telling her about the Round the World Ocean Race. I have no clue how she'll react.

We finally make our way over the bridge, and thankfully I'm one of the first drop-offs. I open the door to the house, and Daisy barks and wags her tail in excitement.

"Missed you too, girl. What have you been up to?" I give her pats and rubs, and she lies on her back, lapping up all the attention.

There are still a couple of hours left until Ellie comes back home from daycare, so I unpack, put a wash on, change clothes, and go out briefly for some groceries. I'm going to surprise her with a cooked dinner. My skills don't stretch very far, or as Corey says, I can cook enough not to starve, but I'm going to push the boat out tonight.

After looking up some recipes online, I choose something that seems fancy but easy enough to prepare—Salmon Wellington, fish in puff pastry. I buy ready-made pastry, of course, and set about making the dish, ready to pop into the oven when she's on the way home.

I go through my emails, studiously avoiding the Round the World Race details one. My brother just saying Hi. Some media requests. Some contracts. Nothing amazing. I flick the race email open and quickly scan the details. First of March start, but early departure advised. How early is early? Like two weeks early? Or like two days early? Surely there's some training involved. I ponder this for a while and don't hear the key turning in the lock.

"You're home." Ellie rushes towards me, and I'm engulfed once again in the nearness of her. My arms wrap around her automatically, like they always do, and a shiver passes through her while we kiss.

"Are you cold? Let's turn the heat pump on. It's unusually cold for January. This rain is just ridiculous. It hasn't stopped for two days." I want to look after her, I want her to be comfortable in our house.

"What's this?" She's looking at the salmon dish.

"Oh, shit. That should have been in the oven by now." I'm panicking. I was trying to impress her with some nice home cooked food, and it's slowly going to pot.

"That's okay. Let's put it in now, and we can have some cheese on crackers while it's cooking." In one sweep, Ellie makes everything better.

I can't take my hands off her. "I love you, do you know that?"

"Love you too. I'm impressed with the food. Looks yum." She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses me. "Now tell me, how was training?"

I swallow a knot. Now would be a good time to tell her. I can feel Corey and Florian urging me from afar.

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