Page 30 of Learning to Love

"Sophie, listen. You don't have to tell me. I'm going to ask you something, and if I'm right, just nod."

She looks miserable.

"Is it their sister?"

Sophie nods.

My gut twists. "Did she … pass away?"

A nod again.

"Is it anything to do with … the water? " Sophie nods again, slowly, then opens the front door, leaving me torn in half.

Chapter 13

Sam

The first thing I can hear underwater is my own breathing, my own air bubbles. If they were to stop, it would be quiet in the ocean. That blue Moki over there would continue hiding among the kelp. The school of silvery yellowtails disperse in all directions as soon as I swim towards them, and regroup further along, away from the perceived danger.

Tom and I are diving while Dad waits for us on the boat. I haven't dived for a long time, maybe a year or more. Corey and I usually go spearfishing, but this time I promised Ellie some fresh scallops, so seafood it is.

We gather a legal amount of mussels, scallops, oysters, and clams. Tom is the first to surface and get back on the boat. I'd love to stay more, but I want to see Ellie again soon, so I follow suit.

Dad goes through our shellfish, making sure there are no undersized ones to throw back into the sea. "Good catch, boys. Just like the old days."

"I wonder what the ladies are doing," I say.

Tom finds my observation hysterical. "Bro, you're such a goner. We've only been away three hours. It's not even midday. I'm sure Ellie can spare you for a couple of hours."

"Ah, but can I spareher?" I wink at him, and all three of us share a good laugh.

Dad sets course for the harbor. "Fine, boys, I think we have enough now. I'm turning back."

Tom and I cheekily shuck a couple of fresh oysters to tide us over until lunch time. Dad was right, it does feel like the old days. Spending time together as a family, carefree. Like before Thea passed away. I try not to think too much about her. I know I need to have the conversation with Ellie, but I had hoped to avoid it for as long as possible.

In about half an hour's time, we get back to shore and help Dad hook the boat to the tractor, to tow it back into the shed, and hose it down. Tom and I take our wetsuits off, keep our board shorts on, and shower quickly at the beach facilities. We walk home together, carrying the Kai Moana like a family treasure.

Ellie is in the kitchen, but she won't look me in the eye. What's going on? What happened? One name sounds like a mourning bell in my mind. Thea. Ellie must have heard about Thea.

I pry her away so I can talk to her. "Ellie, how about we go pick some veggies from the garden?" My heart rate has gone right up, and I can feel a humming in my head.

We walk out towards the veggie patch, and Ellie starts picking out some lettuce, tomatoes, oregano, and dill, and places them in my basket. Silence is unlike her.

I face it square on. She’ll appreciate the truth. "What do you want to know?"

She turns her brown gaze towards me. "Everything."

I run my hand through my hair, and she watches me intently.

"I was five. Thea was seven. Tom was nine. He didn't want to come play with us that day, so Thea and I went by ourselves to the beach … Without mum and dad knowing." My voice breaks. I struggle to hold on to the emotions, and I'm transported back to that day over twenty-five years ago. "Thea was always the better swimmer … but that day … there was a rip." I think comprehension sets in behind her eyes, as we remember the day at the beach when Ellie was caught in a rip.

"I … couldn't help. I shouted for help. I ran back home to mum and dad. By the time we returned … Thea was gone. She was never found."

Ellie puts her arms around me and hugs me hard. "I love you."

Her words calm me down, like a kawakawa balm on fresh wounds. "I love you too."

She smiles through tears. "I'm always here for you if you want to talk about it. We're a team, remember?"

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