Page 27 of Learning to Love

On the way out I see Steve and Joan hug. They seem like a lovely couple, and they love their children very much. Will Sam and I grow old together and host Christmas at our house one day? Or will our time together be short? Sam asked what he’d do without me? I hope he never has to find out.

Chapter 12

Sam

It feels strange being back home with Ellie. This is the house where I grew up. This is the house where I came back every day after sailing practice. This is the house where I came back without Thea that day.

Ellie moves around, chatting to everyone like she belongs. That's one of the things that fascinates me about her. In any situation, with anyone, she'd find something to talk about, a way to connect to the person she’s talking with. When I’m nervous I just drone on, and labor a point to death. Ellie puts everyone at ease. In some ways, her and Corey are alike, gliding through life like a catamaran through smooth waters. Me, I’m more of a dinghy fighting against the strong open ocean currents.

Earlier, as I saw Ellie with my family, charming each and every one of them, no matter how much of a dick my brother was, I wondered whether she would stick around after she finds out about Thea. Nobody has mentioned anything so far, but it’s hanging over us like an invisible spider web we can’t quite dust away.

When Tom bailed early duringDie Hard, I knew I had to seize the opportunity to have Ellie to myself just for a little while, so I excused us even though it wasn’t even 8:00 p.m. As we walk towards my room, I feel apprehensive. How will she feel about it? I think back to her room and start laughing.

She shoots me an odd look.

“Just thinking back to your room and that single bed. My shoulder still aches from being squeezed in. Plus … I’m a bit nervous about what you’ll think about my room.” We stop in front of a closed door. “Ready?”

She smiles, as I open the door. I haven’t been here for such a long time, but somehow it all looks the same. Ellie is instantly drawn to the prize wall. A panel full of medals, cups, prizes and diplomas covers half of the wall, the biggest feature in the room.

“Wow. Are these all yours? I mean, of course they’re yours. They’re in your room.” She covers her mouth. I can’t tell if she’s pleased or surprised or upset.

“Is it a bit much? I could always move it somewhere, a cupboard, or under the house.” I don’t mention that it’s only a part of them. There are more floating around in various places.

“No way. These are your achievements. I’m very proud and happy for you. I just didn’t think there would be so many.” She smiles broadly.

I relax. “The other impressive feature in my room is a double bed. I got one when I turned fifteen because I needed to sleep comfortably. Unlike you.”

She pokes her tongue out. I take it she likes it when I tease her.

She walks towards the window. You can see for miles out to the ocean, past houses, past the harbor, towards the mountains on one side. She sits on the window seat, and looks out, fascinated. “I love this view. It’s amazing, I bet it changes all the time.”

“I love it, too.” But I’m not looking at the view.

She realizes I’m looking at her and laughs. “Smooth, Sam, smooth. You’re learning.”

I sit down next to her in the small window seat and pull her onto my lap.

She taps my chin. “Did you like your birthday and Christmas presents?”

I’m a bit caught out. I stroke her hair. “They’re very thoughtful. No doubt about it, I’m going to pour over the ancient maps and dream about being there, sailing. And the protective necklace ...” I kiss her forehead. “We sailors are a superstitious bunch. Can’t hurt to wear it. Corey wears a pounamu. What about my present for you?”

She looks down. I hope she’s not upset. Tayla suggested jewelry or some spa vouchers, but I thought a bracelet would be something she can wear all the time. Seems I was wrong.

“I love it, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She winks. “Apart from you.”

I look down. “I don’t think anyone could call me beautiful. I’m just ordinary. Corey is much better looking.”

Ellie holds me tight. “Well, I think you’re beautiful, and my opinion matters the most.” She kisses the tip of my nose. “And I’ll wear the bracelet, but not at work. I’m worried I’ll lose it or break it at playing with the kids. Or even better, there would be a rain of diamonds in some poor child’s diaper.” That’s one angle I hadn’t thought about, and we both giggle like little kids.

Ellie kisses my chest then nestles in closer. “Feels good to spend your birthday and Christmas with you. By the way, why did you say you don’t celebrate your birthday? I love birthdays. I’d have two like the Queen, if I could.”

Of course, Ellie loves birthdays. The cake, the presents, all the people together to celebrate you getting one year older. I’m quite lucky that my birthday is on Christmas day because I never have to throw parties, and people don’t expect it either.

“I just don’t feel like it. Getting older makes me feel bad.” I decide to tell the truth. Or part of it. For now.

“Listen to yourself. You sound like you’re on death's door. You’re only thirty-two. What are you going to say when you’re seventy?” She shrugs. “Up to you, I guess. But we’re definitely celebrating my birthday in May. Hope you penciled it in your calendar.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Ellie means so much to me, I can’t imagine not being there for her.

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