Page 8 of Learning to Love

I roll my eyes and resign myself to the fact they won't leave me alone. I take a bite out of a protein bar. "Yesterday."

I'm prepared for all the guffaws and whistles. Such a team of louts. Even Jay, the gentle giant, chimes in. They all need a good dunk in cold water. I finish my protein bar, take a glug of water, and stare out the window, avoiding further conversation.

Nobody asks anymore questions, and the next two days pass in a buzz of activity, training from sunrise to sundown in all winds and weather. The mast of our ultralight carbon fiber boat stands seventy feet tall, dwarfing all other yachts in the area.

When I'm on the water I don't have time to think about Ellie. I push myself and the team harder and harder each time, and we achieve speeds that wow. Winning each time, taming and conquering the ocean.

The ocean that took Thea.

On Wednesday, the night before we're due to go back home, we all sit in a club room at the local sailing club. Some are having whisky, some are playing cards.

I'm doing both but failing miserably at cards. "Jake, how does your wife feel about you being gone all the time? How do you make it work?" The words are out of my mouth before I can take them back.

All eyes turn on me. Corey leans forward.

Perhaps Jake gives me an odd look, but I can’t tell. "Give and take, mate. It's not easy. Got to prioritize. My Natalie, she's one in a million. I'm a lucky bastard." He puts down his cards.

His answer doesn't really satisfy me. How could I make it work with Ellie if I'm never around? It wouldn't be fair to her. She needs someone to be there, at least some of the time. I take another sip of whisky. It’s so peaty it nearly makes my eyes water.

Jake's eyes change, in the same way Corey's eyes did when I first told him about Ellie. "Do you have a girl?"

I try to act nonchalant but can't quite make it. "Maybe."

"This girl … is she worth it?" Jake continues to stare me down.

Nobody makes a sound in the club room.

"Yes. She's one in a million, like your Nat." For the first time, I voice how I truly feel about Ellie.

"Keep her then. But when you're with us, your whole being needs to be focused on racing. No ifs, no buts. While you're at the helm, you're responsible for our lives."

I shiver at Jake's words.

Sensing the atmosphere's growing heaviness, Corey raises his glass. "Enough with the serious stuff. Sam got laid guys. By an actual woman! Wooohoo!"

Everyone bursts out laughing and singing "For he's a jolly good fellow …”

But I’m not feeling very jolly. I miss Ellie, so I slip away to my bunk where I can be alone with thoughts of her.

Corey follows me. "You need to call her. Or at least text her, Sam. It's been three days."

My smile fades. "I got rid of her phone number. I'm an asshole."

"She knows Paddy, right? Ask him. He'll know. Or at least Gracie will." Corey is full of ideas.

"I've screwed up badly, Corey. I didn't even kiss her goodbye. I ran out of there like Roadrunner chased by the coyote. I can't call her. You know what I'm like." I finally admit my shame.

"You're a prick. An ass. A barnacle. Less than a barnacle. An amoeba." Corey's running fast out of insults, and he’s an inventive guy, so this comes as a surprise.

I'm mulling over an idea. "She works at a daycare. I could wait for her after work, take her for a coffee. Explain myself in person. See if she’ll give me a chance. I want more than a one night stand. Maybe she does, too.” My heart soars at the thought of seeing Ellie again.

Corey lifts one brow and crosses his arms. "God help you, son. You need all the luck you can get. Alright. I'm off to bed. Big day tomorrow. Long trip back."

I go to my bunk and enter straight away into the land of dreams, populated by the ocean… and Ellie.

Chapter 4

Ellie

---