Page 7 of Learning to Love

The café doubles as a roastery, selecting and roasting their own coffee beans for the best flavor. I scan the walls for art prints, and I see one I think Ellie would like with a puppy and a flower. I inwardly curse at myself for falling too hard, too fast.

"So who's this mystery girl? How did you meet?" Corey's interrogation continues. "Does she know the meme about you … with the seagull?"

Not that again. But I laugh. "Whoever made that meme should get their ass pecked by that seagull.” I shift from foot to foot. “Her name is Ellie. She's a daycare teacher."

Corey's eyebrows shoot so far up I can't help but laugh. "Mate. Mate. That's the most land-based occupation ever."

I nod, smiling sadly. Another reminder of how oceans apart Ellie and I are. "She's friends with Gracie. We met there yesterday, at the barbecue. I went to her place in Hillcrest. Came back home this morning."

The barista hands over our coffees, and we stroll back to my house instead of running. I think about the coffee Ellie made me, and more importantly what happened afterwards.

Corey keeps throwing me curious glances. "Never seen you like this, Sam. You're acting even more strangely than usual." He seems to choose his words carefully. "Not sure I like it."

"I don't like it either." It's the truth. Idon'tlike feeling this way. Needy. Ready to drop everything for her.

It's only been one night. We haven’t even been on a date. I don't know her parents' names. I don't know what toppings she likes on her pizza. Does she get seasick? I do know how she lights up a room with a smile. I also know how she felt when I made her come. Her little smiles and silly jokes.

"Oh man. Will you see her again?" Sometimes I feel like Corey can see my every thought, and I hate that. We've reached my house now, and we're standing outside, coffee cups nearly empty.

"No. I didn't keep her number. It's all too messy."

Corey shakes his head, pats me on the back, and walks towards his car.

I'm surprised he's heading off so soon. "Aren't you coming in?"

"Nah, bro, I need to pack up for tomorrow. You should do the same. They pick us up around 4 AM."

"That's early. Okay, cool. See you tomorrow." I wave as he speeds off.

I have an early lunch and pack my bags for a few days away, including wetsuits and other gear. The rest of the day passes in a blur, and evening comes before I realize the sun’s even begun to set.

I haven't stopped thinking about Ellie and replaying our time together in my head. In my last memory of her, she's standing in the doorway of that 50’s home, waving at me as I'm leaving without saying goodbye.

The easy companionship with Laura felt like sailing on calm waters. No wind, stagnant, not really going anywhere. Being with Ellie is like a storm, like being blown away in a skiff at 50 miles an hour. Nowhere to hide, no land in sight.

I go to bed with a heavy sigh. No way I’ll be able to rest. If this is my first real taste of heartbreak, then I definitely don't want any more.

***

Sam

The alarm wakes me up with a jolt at exactly 3:30 a.m. I've barely slept a wink, haunted by dreams of Ellie instead of my usual dreams about the ocean and calm waves. I made myself come twice, hoping to get some rest afterwards. I tried imagining other women, various celebrities, even exes. Anything. The only thing that made me come each time was remembering how good she felt in my arms.

I take a cold shower, and by the time I'm out, my phone vibrates. The guys are outside. The night air is fresh with the jacaranda fragrance filling the air. One of the guys helps me load up my gear on the bus, and I get on. A tui bird calls nearby.

The bus drives into the dark, through the inner suburbs, then on the highway up North, past the bridge, past the junction for Ellie's house, and beyond the horizon.

The guys chat about everything under the sun, from boats, to sails, to racing, until the topic turns to women. I groan inwardly. It's not even 6:00 a.m. I pretend I'm asleep to escape the chatter, but it seems they have other plans.

"Sam, we know you're awake. Have you seen that meme?" Jake pushes his phone in my face. Bane of my existence, that fucking stupid meme. "It's a seagull, and it says Sam's new girl".

They laugh wholeheartedly. I usually love their humor, but on a day like today when I feel like death on legs, and I'm pining for Ellie, it's too much.

"Yeah, yeah. What's for breakfast?" I mumble and try to settle back down to rest. Or at least pretend I'm resting.

"How long since you last scored, Sam?" Florian, our German grinder, is quick to ask.

Corey clears his throat.

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