Page 40 of Learning to Love

“We’re here for this momentous occasion, and it’s an amazing achievement not just for us, but for sailing as a sport. Thank you for coming here today to celebrate with us.”

Somehow, I manage to bypass the question and wrap the session up neatly with a bow.

I speed out of the building so no journalists catch up to me.

But I can’t outrun Corey. He falls into step with me. "Hey, wait up, bro. What was that?"

"What was what?" I feign innocence.

"You know what. You looked like you were going to murder the guy. All good?" I don't like his line of questioning, so I make a hasty escape back to my car.

"All good. See you tomorrow at the airport at 7:00 a.m. sharp.” I speed off, leaving Corey full of question marks.

Rats, that was close. What will people think when they watch it back? Did I really look as murderous as I felt? More importantly, will Ellie watch it? Thinking about her makes my chest fill painfully.

Starting tomorrow, I'll be away for a really long time. What I wouldn't give to see her one last time.

Without noticing, my treacherous hands steer towards the Hillcrest highway off-ramp, and I find myself on the way to her house. What the hell am I doing? She doesn't want to see me, she madethatentirely clear when she left. That dull ache in my chest doesn't let up.

Maybe if I see her again one more time, maybe … I'll be able to think of her less. Like reverse psychology but for a broken heart. Or maybe she'll be etched even more in my memory, and I won't be able to shake this feeling … is it a risk I'm willing to take?

Hillcrest is in stark contrast to Bella Vista. The familiar 1950s houses with their large sections, kids, dogs and mature trees dominate the landscape. No shops, no cafés, no people running, just suburbia.

Before I can make up my mind what I'm doing, I've already turned onto her street. Am I really going to do this?

***

Ellie

"Stop barking, Daisy, what's the matter?" Daisy is pretty agitated, and Tayla tries to soothe her. "We're not expecting anyone, are we?" Tayla's looking out the window.

"No, I don't think so. It's too early for Corinne to be back, she said about 10:00 p.m." Corinne had a show at the Opera tonight, and I can't imagine she would have been able to come home early.

Tayla and I are spending the evening at home again, watching Netflix and eating junk food, for my sake.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Tayla's grumpy but resigned outburst makes me dash to the window.

I gasp. Sam's car is parked up on the other side of the street, and he's just standing there leaning against it. He looks pretty rough under the streetlight—dark circles under his eyes, and a five-o-clock shadow stubbling his face. His Team NZ uniform looks a bit worse for wear.

"Why doesn't this man leave you alone? Isn't he fucking off to Europe tomorrow? Like seriously, he's standing there like a cat in the rain." Tayla's words slice straight through my heart.

I haven't followed any news about the Round the World Ocean Race on purpose. But tomorrow? So soon? And he shows up here after two weeks? Tears fall freely down my cheek, and I hate myself for not being able to look away. I miss him so much. I touch the windowpane, as if I were able to touch him.

Tayla tilts her head and crosses her arms. "What is he doing? He’s not even coming up to face you like a man."

Tayla and I watch in horror as he mouths something, maybe Goodbye, then gets into his car and leaves.

Chapter 17

Sam

My dad always says better to regret the things you've done, than the things you haven't done. For the last few years, I've tried to live my life in such a way that I regret nothing, particularly after I couldn’t rescue Thea. It seems after meeting Ellie last year, I’ve tossed that philosophy out the window.

I shouldn't have gone to her house yesterday. I shouldn't have stopped across the road. I shouldn't have got out of the car. I shouldn't have stared at Ellie like she was a drink of water in the desert. Then I shouldn't have left without saying a word. She was crying, and I felt like a monster.

She looked more beautiful than ever, even through her tears. I miss her so much, it's like an emptiness that doesn't go away.

This morning I'm in a taxi to the airport, on the way to meet up with Corey and Florian for the Round the World Ocean Race start in Malaga. I've decided I'm going to tell them about the break-up. If there's something affecting my mental state, they deserve to know.

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