Page 14 of Learning to Love

"$70.25 please." The girl looks at me as if I'm crazy. I wave my card for contactless payment, pick up my bags, and run to my car. I dial Sam's number repeatedly, only to be greeted by voicemail. I send him a brief message:

"Please let me know you're ok."

I'm sobbing and shaking inconsolably in my car. I could drive down to the dock. Or maybe he's in hospital, but which one? I could start calling all of them, but I'm not next of kin. The phone's vibration jolts me, and I answer without checking who it is. Tayla's concerned voice echoes.

"Babe, I saw the news. Is everything alright?"

I let out an uncontrollable sob. "I don't know, he's not answering. He looked hurt."

"Where are you? Do you need me to come home early?" Tayla is such a good friend. Her voice soothes me.

"I'm at the supermarket. In my car. I'd bought everything for dinner, and then I saw the news. I feel foolish." I'm crying so hard, I'm hiccupping.

"You're not foolish. It's normal to care about him. Go home now and keep the phone line clear in case there's news. I'll message you later on. Let me know if you need me back home."

I quickly end the call and make my way home as fast as I can. My phone remains silent, and nerves dance in my belly for the rest of the afternoon.

***

Sam

It was supposed to be just an ordinary training day in the lead up to the Sanders Cup races next year in December. The wind gusted at about 12 knots, not too fast, not too slow. The guys were pumped after we tried, and succeeded, some tricky maneuvers around the expected course.

I steered sharply to round a corner on the home straight, thinking that in only a couple of hours I could see Ellie again. My steering took Corey by surprise, and he lost control of the sails in a gust of strong wind.

As the boat nosedived into the ocean, sending Florian, Jake, Matt and Jay crashing into the waves, several thoughts careened through my head.

They say that when you're close to death, your whole life flashes before you. I haven't lived that long, and I have so much more left to do and see in this whole wide world.

I thought of Thea, and how we played as children in the waves. I thought of what she could have become. She was always the better swimmer between us.

I thought of Ellie, and my heart ached. I can't imagine my life without her in it.

I thought of my parents, and how would they feel to lose another child.

I thought of Corey and the boys. If by a miracle we survive this unscathed, what's it going to do to the boat? It's surely ruined. Our hopes of competing next year may be dashed.

The stronger wind tipped the boat on its side, leaving Corey and I suspended 30 feet in the air, surf thundering around us.

I'm dangling in a precarious position. Should I just jump in the ocean? There is so much debris, carbon fibre, and boat equipment … I might knock myself unconscious.

The shore team is radio-ing everyone in. Eight voices reply. Relief washes over me like a gentle wave. We’re going to get out of this one alive.

A rescue crew is gathering up everyone stranded, and they gently winch our boat back on its hull. Corey and I jump straight out to inspect the damage.

Corey doesn't saya word to me on the way in, and keeps his silence in the medical bay, too. Scrapes and bruises is the general verdict, and we all look a bit worse for wear. My right hand feels raw from holding on so tightly, so I have it bandaged.

"Boys, what happened out there?" Coach tries to coax an answer out of us. Corey looks out the window.

I square my shoulders. "I dropped the ball. Steered too strongly in the jibe. Sails couldn't keep up."

"You almost fucking killed us, that's what you did." Corey nearly screams at me, his face red with fury. I don't think I've ever seen him so intense. He runs his hands through his wet hair. "And you broke the fucking boat. Millions of dollars down the pan."

Coach jumps between us, holding out his palms as if he’s ready to break up a fight. "Hey. Hey. It was a mistake. Not like you never make mistakes, Corey. We'll fix the boat, and have it ready to WIN by next year." He points at us. "You need to fix your friendship." He leaves us in the medical bay, and it looks like our friendship, just like the boat, may need more than a sticking plaster.

Corey gets up from his chair by the window, and walks towards me." Your mind wandered elsewhere. Don't think I haven't noticed your stupid smile when steering. You’re not keeping your eyes on the horizon."

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about something else. It won't happen again." It's too dangerous to think about Ellie when the lives of seven men depend on me.

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