Page 5 of The Fix-Up

“Do you recognize him?”

“Didn’t you hear me? I said it was a strange man.”

“Well, stranger and strange man are two different things,” Cammie said. I swore I could hear her smacking her gum.

“I’m serious. There’s a man on my front porch…” And then the unmistakable sound of a key sliding into a lock. “I think he has a key. How does he have a key?” The lock snicked open. “H-he unlocked it.”

“Okay, okay, don’t panic. I have someone on their way right now,” she said, sounding much more serious. “Can you hide?”

I watched in horror as the doorknob turned.

“He’s opening the door.” I clicked over to speaker and set the phone on the edge of one of the bookcases. Frantically, I glanced around for something, anything, I could use as a weapon. My choices were limited so I grabbed the first heavy thing I could find—a gardening book titledSay Aloe to My Little Friends—and clutched it with both hands.

The door opened in slow motion; my whole body tensed.

“Ellie? Ellie, are you okay?” Cammie asked.

But there wasn’t time to answer her. Instead, I screamed and swung that book with all my might.

The stranger yelped. “Oophf. What the hel— Ouch!”

I swung again and had a momentary flashback to playing softball as a kid. I’d never been any good—wildly swinging the bat had been my typical strategy—and I wasn’t good now, but just like back then, I made up for it with enthusiasm.

With a grunt, he threw his hands over his head to protect it.

“I want you to know I’ve already called the police and…and…I have two, no, three, no, six rottweilers in the backyard,” I yelled. “They’ll be in here any minute and see there’s a stranger in this house and then when they attack, they’re trained to go for where it counts. You…”Swing. “…get…”Slam. “…me…”Smack. “…mister!”

“Stop!” He ducked, covering his head with his arms.

“Plus, I’m a witch.”Swing.Miss. Damn it. “Not the nice kind.”Swing.Hit. “I’m cursing you in my head right this second.”Swing.Boom.Success. “After this day, you’ll have constant ringing in your ears except it won’t be ringing, it will be that song ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ playing forever and ever until you die.”

“I’m not trying to?—”

“The last guy I did that to ended up in a straitjacket. You’re gonna wish you’d met the dogs instead.” I stopped and heaved a breath. Turns out attacking an intruder with a book was kind of exhausting.

In the slight pause, he whipped around and yanked the book out of my hands.

I squeaked. “Give that back.”

He tossed it on the floor. “No.”

I held my hands out. “I wasn’t kidding about the dogs.”

“There aren’t any dogs. Not a single bark.” He rubbed his shoulder. Dark eyes glared at me from behind his glasses, hair disheveled, face red. He looked disgruntled, disbelieving, even offended. Likehehad the right to be offended. “I am offended.”

See? I stuck my hands on my hips. “You’re offended? You broke into my house!”

Wait. He’d just broken into my house. Why? I took two small steps backwards until my back pressed against a bookshelf. “Is this…a home invasion?”

“Ellie?” Cammie’s voice called from the phone. “Are you okay?”

“He’s in the house,” I said, a frantic edge to my voice. “I hope you’re recording this for the very special episode ofDatelineabout my murder. Make sure to tell the producers how I lit up a room.”

The man scowled. “I’m not here to murder you.”

“That’s exactly what a murderer would say,” Cammie said.

“Where is that voice coming from?” the man asked in confusion.

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