Page 129 of The Fix-Up

I tried to smile. “Don’t worry about Oliver and me. We’ll be okay. We always are.”

And that was the truth. We would be okay.

A shroud of silence seemed to cover the house over the next five days. Oliver and Mikey were, at first, oblivious to it. But when Gil began to pack up his room, sadness joined the party.

“Mommy,” Oliver said one night at bedtime, “why is that day circled on the calendar?”

I remembered circling that date—exactly six months from the day Gil moved into the backyard. It was a countdown, the prize at the end of this was Gil leaving. Or at least, that’s what past me was sure of way back then. But six months could change a lot of things.

“Remember how Gil and Mikey have a home in Austin?” I crawled into his bed and laid down next to him.

He nodded and fought back a yawn.

“That’s the day they’re moving back to their house.”

“But that’s in two days.” He slow-blinked. “I don’t want them to go.”

“I know, honey,” I said. “But that’s just the way it is.”

I was thankful he fell asleep before he could reply.

The last day, Gil didn’t say much. His room was cleaned out, his toolbelt packed. He even sold the motorcycle. He’d been quietly saying goodbye to the friends he’d made over the last week, but he hadn’t said it to me. Not yet. I was dreading it.

He knocked on my bedroom door a little after midnight.

I flipped on the light and answered, knowing I looked like a hot mess in mismatched pajamas. If he looked closely enough, he’d see I’d cried myself to sleep. To be honest, he wasn’twinning any beauty contests either. I’d never seen him quite so disheveled.

“I can’t sleep,” he said. He looked so pitiful. “I’m so tired.”

With a sigh, I pulled him into my room. If he was shocked, he didn’t show it. He walked slowly around my room and I realized he’d never been in here before. I imagined him taking note of my clothes piles or how my shoes were thrown in the closet and not matched. He picked up a few of the photos I had on my dresser. Smiled at one with Oliver in it.

My heart sank as I realized we didn’t have a photo of us together. Another thing to lament later, when he was gone, and I was living with Oliver in a van by the river because we no longer had a home. But a very nice van and a very safe river with all of our money in the bank.

Yes, I was being dramatic. I used to be an actress. They don’t let just anyone play the love interest inKangaroo’d Three.

Finally, he made his way back to me. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. I didn’t resist. I’d thought I’d cried all the tears already, but I planted my face on his chest, and they came again. He let me stay there for a while, until, for the second time, all the tears were gone, before leading me to the bed and tucking me in.

When he was done, he kissed my forehead. “Night.”

“Stay with me.” I grabbed his hand before he could leave and tugged.

He hesitated.

“Please?”I love you.

“Okay.”I pretended he said I love you back.

So, he did. He turned off the lights and crawled in next to me. He let me curl around him. We laid there for a long time before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep to the steady beat of his heart.

FIFTY-SEVEN

[Love is…] when people they like each other and like stuff.

—SOREN S., AGE 10

Gil must have slipped out of my room before my alarm went off. His side of the bed was still warm and I’m a little embarrassed to admit how long I may have laid there and smelled the pillow he’d slept on like a sad, sad…clown.

Now I was identifying with those creepy clown figures. This is what my life was now.

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