Page 115 of The Fix-Up

“I’ll probably have another question in forty-five minutes or so,” he said, a serious expression on his face.

“Of course you will.”

I looked over at the computer. “What are you working on?”

“The budget.”

“Sounds fun.” My eyes skipped over the desk and landed on a glossy folder half hidden under a stack of receipts I knew hadn’t been in here yesterday. I eased it out and read the cover: Forsham Development Group. “What’s this?”

Gil gave me a wary look. “It’s from a real estate development group. Peter Stone dropped it off.”

I stood, my eyes darting between the folder and the man. “Oh.”

I took a deep breath, my heart sinking as I realized my mistake. I laid the folder down slowly and walked to the door. No matter how many stolen kisses we shared, nothing had changed.

“I’m looking at options,” he said. “Putting feelers out to see who might be interested in buying.”

“I don’t want to sell,” I said. “That hasn’t changed.”

“And I have my brother to take care of. That hasn’t changed,” he said, his voice gentle.

“I have responsibilities, too.” I took a step closer. “Maybe we could figure this out…together?”

He rubbed his forehead. “We’ve been living in a bubble, haven’t we?”

It had been such a nice bubble, where I could forget about the future. “What are we going to do?”

FORTY-NINE

[Love is…] um…I don’t know.

—ELEANOR P., AGE 4

“My turn.” I stretched my hands out to take the baby from Ali. “She’s my niece, I want to hold her.”

“You’re working.” Ali held up Lulu, the nickname given to Louisa almost immediately. “That mean old aunty is trying to steal you from me. Boo!”

“I know the boss, she’s fine with me holding her. Gimme.” Reluctantly, Ali handed her over. I cuddled her close and smelled the top of her head. “She still has that new baby smell. Best smell in the world.”

“Smell it all you want.” Mae pushed her plate aside. “I’ll just curl up under the table and take a nap.”

“Are you keeping your mama up all night?” I asked. Lulu puckered her lips and blinked up at me with fuzzy eyes that couldn’t quite pick a color. Her hair, on the other hand, was a vibrant red, brighter than Mae’s.

“She likes her meals on time, that’s for sure,” Mae muttered.

“I hope Chris is helping you out. I can go beat some sense into him if he isn’t.”

“He’s been a littletoohelpful. She’s two months old and it’s the first time he’s let me out of the house without insisting he come with us. He’s there for every cry, every feeding, every diaper.” Mae smiled and rattled the ice in her glass.

The bell over the door tinkled. Oliver raced over, Gil behind him. He slung an arm around my neck and stared down at his cousin in awe. “She’s so little.”

He said that every time he saw her, like he couldn’t believe people came this small. The birth of Lulu had also brought up a lot of questions: how did the baby get in Aunt Mae’s tummy? How did the baby get out? When was he going to get a baby brother already? I was ready to go steal a baby just to make the questions stop. But at night when I was in bed, sometimes I let myself wonder what our child would look like if Gil and I had a baby.

I knew it was dangerous. I knew we were on borrowed time. I knew since our talk in the office last week, things had been strained. But I also knew I couldn’t stop my feelings. Which was annoying. Next session, I planned to ask Sunny about this whole focus on “feelings.” Feelings were dumb and they hurt like hell.

“Isn’t she so little?” Oliver asked, craning his head to look up at Gil.

Gil smiled down at the baby. “So little.”

---