Page 103 of The Puck Stops Here

‘Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone. I ain’t proud of it. Fury doesn’t get nervous. Not ever.’

‘Only… you do?’

He gave her a twisted grin. ‘You wouldn’t believe what goes on in this head of mine the night before a game.’

‘Something tells me it might be similar to what I have going on up here every time I stare at a blank page.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘A fear of getting it wrong? Of not being good enough?’

‘Totalimposter syndrome.’

‘And how do you deal with it?’

‘It depends.’ She leaned into the sofa, curling her legs up underneath her. ‘Sometimes all it takes is exercise or an outing with some friends, anything to silence the negativity and shift my focus. But there are times…’ She licked her lips, surprised at what she was about to say but knowing that she wanted to. That she wasn’t scared to. That he wouldn’t judge her or ridicule her like some men had. ‘There’s always a week every month when it gets harder, virtually impossible.’

‘A week a month?’ He frowned and then his brows eased as her meaning hit home. ‘You have it too, don’t you? What your mother has? The PMD?’

‘The PMDD, yeah.’

And it was about to hit any day and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. But she’d deal with it, just like she always dealt with it.

‘I did wonder, when you were telling me. I wanted to ask but…’

She gave a small smile, warmth blooming in her chest. ‘You didn’t want to pry? Even though I was doing just that with you.’

He shrugged. ‘It’s your job.’

But this wasn’t. This conversation now. It was something else entirely.

‘Is it really bad?’ he asked.

‘It is what it is. Its own kind of hell. But better to know what it is, than to think you’re going crazy like my mum once did. Things weren’t so well talked about back then, for years she battled it without knowing it or understanding it. So I’m actually quite lucky really. And I know to hide away because the pressure of sharing the worst of you with someone only makes the anxiety worse.AndI don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to be at the mercy of your hormones one month to the next.’

‘I’ve learned to live with it, and Mum and I do our best to watch out for each other, even across the miles.’

Though if she was honest, Mum had needed her less and less over the past few months. Ever since John had arrived on the scene… When he was gone though, Astrid would be ready and waiting to pick up the pieces and be her rock once more.

‘You’re very close with her?’

‘We have our moments but yeah, she gets me. She’s also very good at reminding me of all I’ve achieved, when I can’t see it. She helps me focus on the positives and push past the negatives so that I still get words on the page.’

His eyes wavered over her face, the compassion in his depths unravelling something deep within her. Something unrecognisable, deeply rooted…

‘It’s whatyouneed to do too,’ she said, needing the sensation within to stop before it grew out of her control. ‘Focus on the positives, big yourself up…’

He gave a tight laugh. ‘I don’t think anyone has ever dared tell Fury to big himself up before.’

‘No, but I’m telling Blake Carter to do it.’ She grew serious, determined. ‘It’s like I told you, you give this front, but underneath it all, you’re just as vulnerable as the rest of us. And you deserve some ego-boosting too. You’ve earned all those accolades you seem to be ignoring.’

He gave a small smile, his eyes falling to the bottle that no longer touched his lips as often. ‘It doesn’t matter where I come in the player rankings, how many assists, or how many goals I score, the doubts are always there, eating away at every achievement. And you can’t show weakness. Not in this game. The first sign and you’re out.’

‘That’s harsh.’

‘That’s hockey. And the older I get, the worse it is. You have rookies coming in all the time and they play faster, harder, and you compare yourself to them all. And then there’s Aiden, there’salwaysAiden.’

‘You know what your problem is?’ she said softly.

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